Lindsey in London with St Paul’s Cathedral in the distance.
18 June 2008

Matt’s dad, Damian, took Lindsey and I to London, and we had a really nice day.  While there, we went to the top of St Paul’s Cathedral.  Before we climbed to the top, Lindsey warned us that she was afraid of heights.  Since neither Damian nor I are afraid of heights and have no experience with that fear, we both kind of muttered “Okay” and promptly ignored what she said.  As we climbed higher and higher, she became more agitated.  Damian and I continued to think everything was fine because we were fine.

At the top, she was still masking her fear very well.  She was nervous, but not immobilized, so I continued to dismiss her feelings.  It wasn’t until we were descending the steep spiral stairs and she was looking down a deep well with every step that her mask fell and her true fear of heights became undeniably obvious.  And it finally got through my thick skull: Lindsey is afraid of heights; I need to respect that.

It’s so easy to dismiss other people’s fears and anxieties when you don’t carry those same fears yourself.  I was thinking about this today because I am so happy in my home.  I don’t like to travel much.  This issue came up this year because we have been travelling a lot.  I like to work on my house and my garden, and to sit at my desk to write and draw and dream.  And many people don’t understand this because they want to experience the world and new people and new places.  And though I do love to travel very much and experience the new and see my family who are scattered about the globe, I don’t like it in heavy doses.  I miss my home life very much when I do.

But now I have a metaphor to explain myself to other people.  A fear of heights is easy to understand.  And just like Lindsey is afraid of heights and that is within her nature, it is within my nature to want to be in my home, nurturing my personal environment.  I have very little influence over the rest of the world and how it is run, but I can create a tiny paradise within the small space of my house and my gardens.  And that’s what I do everyday and I really enjoy it.