Lily, Matt, and I in Surfside, Texas
Thanksgiving 2005

I haven’t slept in days. I am riding solely on steroids and caffeine.  The steroids only allow about five hours of fitful sleep each night, and when day comes, my child wakes up and I have to stay up with her.  That’s when the caffeine comes into play.  I told Matt that if it wasn’t for these two drugs, I would be so very very asleep right now.  But as it is, I’m quite awake, but my body is starting to become run down.

I don’t know if you have ever seen before and after pictures of people who have become addicted to amphetamines.  In the “after” pictures, they look so gaunt and haggard — worn down to nothing.  I know now why that is.  Their bodies never stop.  I am awake as if I were normally awake, but I can feel my body becoming… well, I’ll use a quote from Fellowship of the Ring to describe the sensation since Bilbo Baggins came up with a very accurate description for amphetamine (or steroid) use: “I feel all thin, sort of stretched, if you know what I mean: like butter that has been scraped over too much bread.”

Only one more day on the steroids though.  It’ll be nice to get some sleep again.  My body really is beginning to wear down.