Matt and I are having a fight, but he doesn’t know why and I don’t know why. That’s the horror of being female. We’re driven by forces that we don’t even understand or particularly like.

I’m annoyed with him… scared, unsure… in a dark place… annoyed with myself… annoyed with our situation.

I wish I could find my way out of this darkness. And I have the extra burden of knowing I’m dragging another person through it with me. That isn’t helping the situation. Now I feel guilty on top of feeling down.

This particular depression is new, and so I’m having a hell of a time combating it. All my old tricks aren’t working.

… and now Matt is tasting it too… I’m feeding it to him… he just wants to be a caring husband….

but I won’t let him.

I won’t let myself….

Chained to the wall by invisible self-made shackles. But how can I undo the shackles when I can’t even see what they are made from? If I don’t know what the problem is, how can I fix it?

Poor Matt…. poor me….