Much has happened. Much has changed.

My Tai Chi teacher explained the yin-yang symbol to us once. He said that it represents positive and negative, light and dark, balance. That even when you are all in the light, there is still the spot of darkness, and, as you circle around, the darkness increases and the light decreases. But, since everything is in balance, when you are in complete darkness, there is the spot of light and you circle around and the light increases and the darkness decreases.

Well, we have finally circled around into the light. The dark was long and hard, and, to be honest, I don’t think I handled it very well. Matt, of course, was always a pillar of strength that is almost his defining characteristic. To give you an example: the Jeep broke down today and left Kelsey and I stranded on the side of the road. I called Matt at work and he was by our side in 15 minutes and had the situation completely under control within one minute of being there. I didn’t fall in love with him because he is so reliable and strong, but it sure is an extremely nice quality to have in a husband.

But to continue with the original thought: three things have changed. We’ll start with the simplest. Matt got a raise at work which gives us more money. That always helps things.

We’ll move on to the next easiest to explain: I’m pregnant. After two years and feeling like our hearts were being ripped from our chests each month because of our unanswered love, I showed up pregnant. I’m 18 weeks pregnant now with a little girl.

Of course, there is a story with that. I didn’t show up pregnant until I had finally moved on from my single life. I was mired in my past. I loved my time with Gene so much that I had a very hard time saying goodbye to it. It took me almost three years to move into my present life with my husband– to quit longing and mourning the past. But I finally started living in the now and being wholly present with my husband. And then I became pregnant. Coincidence? Who’s to say.

The third change was a big eye-opener. We bought a house in Round Rock and moved into it two and a half weeks ago. We moved from a very filthy, very tiny, very dark apartment to a beautiful, clean, spacious home. I didn’t realize that my entire life and my moods were so affected by my environment. It was truly like coming out of the dark into the light.

I thought I would try to explain it, but it is very hard to explain. So just let me give unsolicited advice: live in a place you love. Keep it clean and organized. Keep it uncluttered. Let me repeat that last one because it is more important than people realize. Keep it uncluttered. Take unwanted stuff to Goodwill, clean out your drawers and your files.

I feel so much lighter and happier, and I know it’s not just that we finally got pregnant. I am no longer in that filthy, dark cave that sucked the very happiness out of my soul. The dogs have a grassy backyard they can play in. Matt and I have a usable closet and a great study. We have desks on which we have room to do work now instead of being completely covered in dust, junk, and computer peripherals. The living room is inviting and warm. Needs a bit more seating though and perhaps a rug.

Oh, I could go on.

Live in a place you love. Don’t let the happiness be sucked out by your environment. I think it happens more than people realize. They just continue to live where they live, unaware of how it is effecting the happiness and quality of their lives. It makes a huge difference. I have just experienced the difference first hand with myself.

I’m so happy we moved.

Angel on August 11th, 2004 | File Under General | 1 Comment -