I’ve been trying to form some identity other than “Lily’s mom.” I feel like I don’t exist anymore; I am merely an extension of Lily. I have been consumed by a toddler. Even as I write this, I am standing up at my desk to type because if I sit down she will crawl over me. Between every other word, I stop to take something she has grasped from my desk and return it but farther up on the desk just beyond her reach.<\/p>\n
I can do nothing<\/i> that I want to do. It’s difficult to even write a journal entry. I only exist for her.<\/p>\n
And I am so sad…. so so sad. Each day is a weight; each minute feels like indentured servitude. And I’m angry at being in this situation.<\/p>\n
And then there is the inevitable guilt for even thinking these thoughts. A endless loop of guilt, sadness, and anger. Looping and looping and looping, day after day.<\/p>\n
I love her so much, and I’m missing these precious moments in her life as my vision and emotions are covered with so much unhappiness.<\/p>\n
I’ve got to change something, but what? This isn’t right for either her or I.<\/p>\n
I’m so unhappy….<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
I’ve been trying to form some identity other than “Lily’s mom.” I feel like I don’t exist anymore; I am merely an extension of Lily. I have been consumed by a toddler. Even as I write this, I am standing up at my desk to type because if I sit down she will crawl over […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[2],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-878","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-general"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.angelsdesk.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/878","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.angelsdesk.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.angelsdesk.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.angelsdesk.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.angelsdesk.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=878"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.angelsdesk.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/878\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.angelsdesk.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=878"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.angelsdesk.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=878"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.angelsdesk.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=878"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}