In Austin, we have a questionnaire that must be filled out in order to obtain residency.  To gain residency, you must answer “yes” to 80% of the questions:

1.  Do you have a tattoo, body piercing, brightly colored dyed hair or dreadlocks? 

2.  Are you gay or do you have a friend who is gay?

3.  Are you in a band or do you have a friend who is in a band?

4.  Do you own at least two domain names and/or two DBAs?

5.  Is some of the software on your home computer open-source?

6.  Do you own a Linux server?

(If you don’t know what open-source software or Linux is, the city planners feel it is best that you stop at this point and move to Round Rock or Pflugerville first and slowly become acclimated to Austin society before moving directly into Austin.)

7.  Do you own a small, fuel-efficient (preferably hybrid) car and openly scorn people with large vehicles?

8.  Would you vote for a transient cross-dresser and/or a fictitious comic strip character for political office?

9.  For at least five years of your life, were you enrolled in college (the years do not have to be consecutive and actual graduation is optional)?

10.  Do you feel the Democratic Party is too conservative?

11. Do you recycle?

(If you lie on this question — simply to gain residency in Austin — and say you recycle even though you don’t, the city planners strongly suggest that you stay in the closet regarding your non-recycling habits or be prepared to be run out of town on the light rail while having organic produce thrown at you.)

12. Do you find 90’s Grunge Lite clothing appropriate apparel for the opera?

13. Do you find zombies and anything zombie-related funny, suitable dinner conversation, and/or worthy of themed public events?

14. As an ordinary citizen, do you often ponder the issues of the gentrification of lower income neighborhoods as a by-product of a revitalized urban city center and New Urbanism?

15. Do you have at least three friends who work at Dell and at least five friends who openly and vocally dislike Dell’s business practices towards their employees?

16. Have you weaned yourself off of Walmart?

17. Do you know who Neil Gaiman, Frank Miller, and Alan Moore are, and could you write a short essay on how they changed our view of modern archetypes and human socio-psychology?

18. Do you consider the term “geek” or “nerd” an accolade?

19. Do you know at least one Japanese phrase that is completely useless in modern Japan (ie. “Nan da to, kisama” or “SHINE!”) that you learned from watching anime?

20. Did you feel betrayed by Ben Affleck when he went commercial?

21. Do you have a Netflix account even though there is a Blockbuster down the street because Netflix carries all the independent, esoteric, and foreign movies that you can’t find elsewhere?

22. Do you consider a T1 connection too slow?

23. Would you consider a visit to the Goodwill Computer Store and its small computer “museum” as a fun and successful first date?

(This question is now obsolete as the Goodwill Computer Store has closed. Many Austinites mourned its passing. But the city planners decided to leave it in as there is no equivalent to the nostalgic and geeky awesomeness that was the Goodwill Computer Store.)

24. Can you read l33t but still consider it obnoxious and beneath you?

25. Do grammatical and spelling mistakes in graffiti and “tagging” annoy you?

26. Would you proudly wear or display the University of Texas Longhorn insignia even though you never attended UT nor like college football?

27. If you’re a Democrat, will you be able to deal with the fact that your presidential election vote will mean absolutely nothing in the state of Texas? (Gerrymandering is also an issue for Democrats in Texas.)

28. Would you protect an endangered salamander with your life?

29. Do you know the words to at least ten Stevie Ray Vaughn songs?

30. Do you know who Richard Stallman, Linus Torvalds, and Leo Babauta are, and could you write a short essay on how they revolutionized intellectual property and copyright?