Logan, Lily, Damian and I on the couch.
21 January 2007

Today carve out a quiet interlude for yourself in which to dream, pen in hand.  Only dreams give birth to change.
                                    — Sarah Ban Breathnach

I haven’t had much time to think, much less dream, since Damian has been born.  My mind keeps spinning with ideas and possibilities, but I haven’t had time to create anything concrete, like a plan or even a list.  I can’t see clearly yet because my vision is filled with small children, laundry and house-cleaning.

It’s not that I’m unhappy.  I love my family, and I love being with them and caring for them.  Every morning I wake up with an overwhelming sense of love and hope because I am so ridiculously content right now.

But I do like to dream.  I do need to find a quiet interlude for myself in which to dream, pen in hand.  I once had a dream to be happily married with a family of my own, and now look where I am.  It’s time to peep into my head again and see what dreams are swirling around in there.  It’s time to let my dreams lead the way again.

Sleeping Cuteness:

 

The kids sleeping.
06 January 2007

 

Daddy and baby Damian sleeping.
11 January 2007

Hormones are a Bitch:

So right before Damian was born — for a few weeks — I felt powerful and beautiful.  And now that he is out of me and all my hormones are out-of-whack, I feel insecure and ugly.

Men don’t understand this in women.  They don’t have the crazy hormone fluctuations that we do, so these whacky mood swings in women confuse the heck out of men.  It’s annoying for us as well.

I prefer the powerful and beautiful hormonal emotional stage.  The insecure, irratated and moody stage bites.  And I think Matt would agree with me. 😉

For example, Matt claimed a little bit of real estate on my computer.  It’s not easy for me to give up anything on my computer.  I deleted the shortcut to his program twice before my mind clicked, “Hey, he’s given me an entire room just for my hobbies.  He built me an amazing computer.  Surely I can allow him to have a program shortcut on my computer, especially since he doesn’t even have a computer at home.”

This is how the moody, insecure, irratated me behaves (deleting Matt’s shortcut).  Not very nice.  At least I’m aware of it so I can keep it somewhat in check.  It still spills out at the edges and creeps across the room with tiny black tendrils, looking for something to be pissed off at or some way to degrade and belittle my self-worth.

Men really don’t understand this, and I don’t blame them.  It is kind of weird to switch personalities every couple of weeks depending on where you are in your cycle.

Hopefully I’ll be feeling powerful and beautiful again soon.  I like that place. :) 

So what did we do the night before we went to the hospital to have a baby?

We danced. 🙂

02 January 2007

02 January 2007

We’re off to the hospital now. The next uploaded photos will have baby Damian in them. 🙂

We check into the hospital tomorrow morning at 7am to have a baby by induction with pitocin. So I probably won’t be posting much after that as we will be juggling a household, a newborn, and a 2-year-old.

Matt and I are both extremely nervous and excited.  Having a child is so… gosh, there’s not even a word for it.  It’s like trying to describe the grandeur of mountains or what it feels like to have sex with a person you are deeply deeply in love with.  There are some situations where words fail and the experience can only stand on its own.

… and it’s scary. :)  Very scary.

So we’ll see you guys post-baby!  Until then, everybody have a wonderful time in their lives, and we’ll trade stories when little Damian Paul is a bit older and my little family isn’t quite so insular.

This year, Matt and I actually stayed up for the New Year:

 

14 seconds until the New Year starts!
31 December 2006

 

Happy New Year!
(This was taken after our New Year kiss and our toast.)
01 January 2007

And where’s Lily?

Lily ringing in the New Year asleep on the couch.
31 December 2006

May 2007 bring laughter and love, kindness and hope!  I know that every year has the potential to be more amazing than the last; it’s just in how I choose to live… how I choose to treat myself and others and all the life around me… what person I choose to be.  Let’s see if I can remember that when I’m juggling the needs of two children, dinner, and laundry. 😉

Happy New Year. 🙂