I removed the story entry because I’m giving my live journal URL to my 12-year-old cousin who also has an online journal. Anyways, the story was of an adult nature and was inappropriate reading for my 12-year-old cousin, so I’ve removed it.

I removed the story entry because I’m giving my live journal URL to my 12-year-old cousin who also has an online journal. Anyways, the story was of an adult nature and was inappropriate reading for my 12-year-old cousin, so I’ve removed it.

I removed the story entry because I’m giving my live journal URL to my 12-year-old cousin who also has an online journal. Anyways, the story was of an adult nature and was inappropriate reading for my 12-year-old cousin, so I’ve removed it.

My husband just read my entry and he said that “Life without purpose is no life.” sounds like life isn’t worth living. That’s not what I meant. Drifting through the world without intent or direction is a very unhappy state. As I’ve been going in and out of this state for the last two months, I can tell you from personal experience that humans are not hard-wired that way. If emotions are our barometers, then my emotions are telling me to do something with some meaning NOW.

(My dog chases flies. It’s the cutest thing.)

So, my husband makes enough money for the two of us right now, so I don’t have to diligently look for a job. I’ve been looking at the Univ of Texas as I would really like to work there. I haven’t found anything yet.

So the days melt together and time passes and I feel like I’m wasting my life. I should be writing and drawing since I have the opportunity, but I feel sluggish. I’m trying to figure out how to kick this. I now understand why independently wealthy people who don’t work are so morose. Life without purpose is no life.

And I really enjoy reading my friend’s journal. It’s such a strange way to keep in touch, but very effective and enjoyable. Bizarre, eh? Everything has changed so much since I was 20, and I don’t know if it’s because I grew up or because the internet has become so ubiquitous in my life. It’s become my primary form of communication with the outside world, and yet its so anonymous. Weird shit.

I’m going to post the next installment of my story.

So I’ve decided not to put my story up and to not tell my friends about this site (except possibly my husband). It’ll be my little corner on the web that no one sees except to maybe stumble upon by accident.

I’ve been unemployed now for six weeks. Being unemployed is a very bizarre thing. I feel like a spaceship without fuel, lost in the vastness of the universe, drifting. There’s no winds or tides to push me in any particular direction. There’s nothing. And that’s me.

It’s not been a happy thing.

My husband has been my constant source of hope. He always smiles. Even when he’s down, he still has a kiss and a smile for me.

…. oops, he’s out of the bathroom….. I think I’ll go get my fix…..