I’m sorry there haven’t been any posts for awhile.  The children have been keeping both Matt and I very very busy at the moment.  And, on top of that, my mind is popping with ideas; my brain feels like soda water with all the bubbly thoughts and the excitement fizzing and popping and tickling my nose.  The little guys are just struggling to get out of my head and into the physical world, but poor li’l fellas… I haven’t had time to work on them.  The kiddos are just very demanding right now.

Now is a time of waiting… not doing… not yet… I chose motherhood and that’s where my duty lies at the moment.

I have been off the radar for the past month.  The children have been high maintenance, and Matt and I are feeling the strain of parenthood.  Our house has become very messy; we’re having trouble keeping up with the laundry; I haven’t been taking any pictures; emails remain unanswered; I have been on the edge of tears for the past two weeks; and we have been getting into a lot of fights simply due to stress.

But the pressure is starting to let up.  Damian had two teeth come in, and he was fussing a lot.  The constant fussing and crying was very wearing.  It was like he developed colic at seven-months-old.  But the teeth have come through now, so we have some respite until more teeth start coming through.

Parenthood is not for wimps.

Matt and Lily
26 October 2005

We’re still going back in time, but not as far.
This is a picture of Matt and Lily
from October two years ago (Lily is ten-months-old
in this picture). We still had the Jeep at that time,
and it was a real b*tch to put the top on and off
the Jeep. So we would often just leave it on or off.
Even during a cold snap, we would just leave the top
off if it was already off. So Matt would have to
bundle up like this to drive to work. (He is wearing
the Jay “Snoogans” cap that Gene gave me
when we were toying with the idea of dressing
as Jay and Silent Bob for Halloween.)

Matt and I are usually, what I call, “on.”  We are synched up with each other and the day runs smoothly.  It’s like the final scene of Shrek 3 where Fiona and Shrek are taking care of the kids together, effortlessly tossing bottles to one another, smiling.  That is what we are like when we are synched up.  Our day is an unrehearsed yet coordinated ballet of housework, childcare, cooking, and recreation.

But then we get out of synch.  We’ll be “off.”  This is very annoying when you are used to being in synch with your partner.  I never know how long we will be off — sometimes an hour, sometimes a day.  It is almost always precipitated by an argument or one of us being in a foul mood.

But I recently discovered a way to get back into synch.  We stop whatever child-centered family activity we are doing and hold each other.  It takes about five minutes of hugging, perhaps a little talking and smooching, and then we are synched up again.  We’ve only tried this technique twice, but it has worked both times.  It’ll be interesting to see if it has 100% success rate.

Matt and I were “off” this morning, but he had to rush off to work.  If we’re still “off” after he is done for the day, we’ll have to snuggle back “on.” 🙂

Lindsey, me, Kelsey, Justy, and Bruce at Seaworld

Justy, me, Lindsey, and Kelsey in San Antonio

Still no new piccies, so more peaks into the past.
Both of these pictures are with the cousins and from at least a decade ago.
Awhile back, I saw a photo spread in a magazine where supermodels picked
their favorite picture of themselves. Cindy Crawford has had amazing beautiful
pictures taken of her, and yet she chose a picture that was just a normal
snapshot; it was not taken by highly paid photographer, and she wasn’t made up
by a professional make-up artist or clothed in designer clothing. It was just
a snapshot of her and Richard Gere laughing together. And she had written,
“This is exactly where I wanted to be and exactly who I wanted to be with.”
That sums up all our personal favorite photos, doesn’t it? The ones that spark
happy memories and remind us of people we cherish.

I tidied the house yesterday.  It looks very nice.  This doesn’t sound significant, and yet it carries much more weight than it seems.  In all marriages, there is division of labor.  Each person has to pull their weight in the labor that comes with the upkeep of living.

My responsibilities during the weekdays in order of priority: 1) watch and nurture the children; 2) run the household (keep the house clean, pay the bills).  Matt is our sugar-daddy.  His responsibility during the weekdays, all silliness aside, is bringing the money into the house that pays for the food and the bills, etc.

These duties aren’t set in stone.  They change as our situation changes, but this is the way we have our shared life duties divided at the moment.

When I’ve taken care of all my duties, I’m into freetime!  This is when I get to work on my hobbies.  If the house is clean and the children are asleep, hobby time!  And my new current favorite hobby?  Romance podcasts!  Heh heh, I finally get to start working on my idea. 🙂

And finally, a little bloggy shout-out to Shelrie.  Thanks for visiting.  It was really nice seeing you.  And for any who read this blog and are wondering what she’s like these days, she’s still the free spirit she always was. :)  She just got dreadlocks, is starting Texas State next week to get her doctorate, is deeply in love, and does aerial silks as a hobby (she’s very fit — much more fit than most people I know).

Ben and Lindsey

Me and Kelsey
I haven’t taken any pictures recently, so I decided to post some of my favorite pictures
from the past until I get some new piccies. These are pictures from Lindsey’s birthday party
from more than 10 years ago. Lindsey is 16-years-old now and Kelsey is 18-years-old,
just to give you an idea of how long ago these pictures were taken.

Everyone is gone.  It’s just my little family again, and it feels so nice.  We have been out-of-routine for almost two months now.  I’m ready to get back into a routine.  When we are out-of-routine, we don’t keep up with our money plan thus we overspend; we don’t keep up with our health plan thus we eat badly; I personally don’t get to work on any of my hobbies which fulfill and sustain me.

I like it when my family visits, and I like visiting family, but I am now ready to just be with our family for a little while.  I’m happy things have calmed down.

Now, to balance the check register and untangle the money mess we created…

The kids and I on the swing
01 August 2007

It’s very commonplace to hear about the “culture of the workplace”: what a particular workplace culture nurtures and what it destroys.  But no one discusses the culture that a family creates in its own home.

I was thinking about this because the culture in our home was not strong enough to hold up against the addition of an eleven-year-old and his video games and fast food.  Cody joined our family for a week, and instead of him being incorporated into our family culture, our family life morphed around him.

Our routine and our habits have no strength, and I think that’s because they are in their infancy.  We, as a family, are trying to get away from fast food so when someone comes in that regularly eats fast food, it’s easy to fall back into old habits.

We’re still evolving the culture in our home, and, in time, when people visit our home, they will walk into the world that we created with our children.  Hopefully  it will be filled with kindness and laughter… and healthy food. 😉

Lily
Lincoln, England
20 July 2007

I have been meaning — wanting… desiring — to write a blog entry and to start working on my podcasting idea, but I am constantly derailed by children and a messy house.  I’m always playing catch-up in my own life, but never actually catching-up.

What have I been desiring to blog about, you ask?  Why, the evanescent quality of coffee, of course!  Matt really likes Donna’s coffee when we visit Conroe, and I have tried to recreate that coffee here at home, always coming close but never quite succeeding.  And I figured out why the other day.  It’s because we are away from home, relaxing at a lakehouse, and someone is making Matt coffee.  So there is a mood — an ambience — brewed into the coffee which I cannot recreate at home.

Coffee commercials try to sell this ambience.  The actors are always in the mountains or in front of a cozy fire as they sip their coffee.  It doesn’t show them corralling children as they dash out the door, trying not to spill their coffee all over themselves.  So when you bring your Folgers home, it doesn’t quite feel the same as you felt when you watched the commercial.  But, of course, you can say that about most commercials.  Are they selling a product or a feeling?

Hmmm… my paragraphs are long in this entry.  We were taught in journalism to keep your paragraphs short.  I’m not quite sure why, but I assume it is for readability.  It might be due to short attention span as well.  I don’t actually know why they have that rule.

Hah!  I posted!  And the children aren’t even awake yet.  Now to just start working on the romance podcasts…

Matt and the children with his two brothers, Ben and Sam,
and his grandparents
Lincoln, England
20 July 2007

For the past month, my little family and I have not been settled.  For two or three weeks before we left for England, we worked really hard cleaning the house and clearing all the baby clutter out.  We also fixed up Lily’s room (it looks soooo pretty now; I just go in there and sit on the bed because it’s such a cute little girl’s room filled with toys and cute pink lamps and plushies).  While we were working so hard, we quit going to the gym (Lily also had ringworm and was not allowed in the child center until the ringworm was gone) and we ate out so we could stay focused on the work.

Then we went to England for ten days.  We had an amazing time.  Matt was rejuvenated by his visit to the homeland and seeing his brothers who he hadn’t seen in two years.  Lots of chocolate and fish and chips, no gym.

We returned with a feverish desire to get back into our normal routine.  But we were thwarted by severe jetlag and impending family visits.  More eating out, no gym.

By Thursday of last week, my stomach could not take another greasy meal.  I was feeling really ill.  So, for the first time in a month, we made a meal at home.  Matt cooked bangers and mash with broccoli and green beans.  Never have vegetables tasted so good.  And we’ve been eating meals at home since then, but still with lots of cookies and chocolate.

So here it is, Monday morning.  The fresh start of a fresh week.  We’ve already reserved a spot in the infant area of the child center at the gym for Damian.  We’re ready!  I’m ready!

I’m ready to feel better.  I’m feeling really run down from all that terrible food.  But on the upside, the house is clean and we had an amazing visit with both Matt’s family in England and my family before my mom left back for Kentucky.  But I am definitely ready to get back into a familiar daily family routine.

Daddy tickling Damian.
02 June 2007

Matt and I have been scrambling to clean the house before my mom visits and before we leave for vacation.  And yet, the house is still very chaotic.  Now the question is: is the house going to all come together at the end, like a dinner seems to come together magically right at the end, or is it truly chaotic, just disguised as a work in progress?

Only time will tell — six days to be exact.  Mom will be here in six days. 🙂

Lily can make an ensemble out of anything.
Here she is working on costume ideas
(using florescent orange swim goggles and a lanyard)
for the next post-apocalyptic Mad Max movie.
02 June 2007

You would not believe the sheer volume of toys, clothes, and shoes that come into the house when children come into the house.  It is an avalanche of kid stuff that threatens to consume your house.

Carla’s baby is due in two months.  I just spent the last week washing all of Lily’s baby clothes and packing them.  I went through the toys, packing three trashbags worth of toys to pass onto Carla.  And the bassinet, swing, crib (along with all the crib accoutrements), carseat, stroller… so much stuff being passed onto Carla.  Or, more accurately, so much stuff being passed out of my house.

I love purging.  I feel light and free when my house is uncluttered — stuff feels like an iron ball dragging me down into a cold, dark deep.

I’m so happy right now.  I’m so happy that all that baby stuff is out of my house.