So I’ve been doing things that are very hard for me. I’m not an artist, but I’ve been drawing the little characters for Wizard Moon. I’m not a writer, but I’ve been trying to write my Great American Novel. And I don’t have much confidence. Matt is my primary confidence, and my friends are my secondary confidence. They all constantly say “Your work doesn’t suck.” That’s got to get old for them after awhile.

Since these things are hard for me and I don’t have much confidence, I procrastinate about half the time. I clean the kitchen or surf the web or play Spider Solitaire (the game for procrastinators) until enough time passes that I start feeling like a loser and work on Wizard Moon or Belief and Code.

Complete change of subject: my cat loves catnip. I pour some on the floor and she rolls in it and gets it all over her fur and then licks it off. She will sniff out the catnip box, wherever we have put it, and claw at it with her little paws. So, among the zillion of seeds I bought, I bought catnip seeds. I got them for Raven (my cat), but I also got them because we have a ton of cats in this neighborhood. It’ll be fun to see general kitty reaction to catnip.

I haven’t written anything for awhile. I’ve been working on the Wizard Moon site. Anybody who cares to see my work, check out:
http://www.wizardmoon.com
It has been a LOT of work. Doing the design, drawing the little characters and then coloring them. Matt has done so much. None of my stuff would look half as good if it wasn’t for his input and actual work.

But now I’ve hit a stumbling block. I have no mentor, no money and no inventory. I was focused on design, but now that the basic design is laid out, my next focus is content… content…. that’s really hard. I think I need to start by drafting a cohesive idea. Carla and I had the idea that we wanted it to be entertaining as well as a store. But seamlessly combining those two is turning out to be harder than I originally thought. Every time I think of an idea, all I can see is how the average surfer would get lost. This part is harder than the design and drawing.

I’ve become the planting fiend. I think I’m nesting, but that has resulted in over 100 plants. I planted them from seed so they may not all come up. But the Chamomile, Evening Scented Stocks, and tomatoes have all sprouted. I planted way too many tomato plants. I think I’m going to have to give some away. But I feel the same towards the plants that I feel towards animals– I don’t want to give them to someone who will just let them die. And, like animals, plants require attention, water and food. You can’t just put them on the porch and expect them to live. So what good plant parent could use tomato plants? And they’re so adorable. They’re little heads just came above the soil and said “Hi!”

I don’t know why they give you so many seeds in a packet. This is how the whole fiasco of more than 100 plants started. I have all these seeds so I planted them. And I still have a ton left over. I even planted a bunch of seeds for Donna and I still have a ton left over. I think it’s safer to just buy seedlings– then you are not sucked into the too many seeds problem.

Matt and I are talking about buying a house, and one of the reasons I want to live in Bastrop, besides that it is so pretty, is that the soil is more condusive for gardens. I want a garden– a garden that I can stroll through and sit in. I’ve always liked plants, and now that I’m married, so many latent hobbies are surfacing. Marriage provides such a stable foundation that you can do so much more. Marriage rocks.

Toodles.

I’ve been up since 3am after a fitfull restless half-night of half-sleep. I gave up at 3am. Cedar fever is so painful. There’s people out there that say that people with allergies are big whiners, that it’s only allergies. I get really angry at those people. They’ve never had cedar fever. They’ve never had a runny nose and aching head and been sneezing for weeks! With cedar fever you are sick for weeks! It lasts from the end of December to the end of January. I still have two more weeks to deal with this!

This sucks. Matt and I talked about it last night and we’re going to England next year in January. We’re spending Christmas with my family and then we’re leaving the entire country for two weeks of the cedar hell.

Kentucky doesn’t seem so bad anymore. No more blistering summers, no more cedar fever. I could live there.

We just finished watching Bridget Jones’ Diary, and I started to wonder how many people were inspired by the movie to keep a similar diary– a diary where they innumerated their “misdeeds” (for lack of a better word) that they wished to control and change.

I have lots of diaries. I kept personal diaries for the longest time, and let me tell you, those are wonderful to read again years later. You can obviously tell when you’re happy or when you’re depressed. During the personal diary years, I also kept diaries that documented my food and exercise habits or my activities as I tried to change something about myself.

Then I quit keeping any kind of diary because I figured email was documenting my life well enough. I just don’t throw away any email. But then one day at Barnes & Noble I was seduced by the cutest little book full of blank pages. I had no use for it, so I couldn’t sensibly buy it. So I made a use. I decided to write my mom letters and when it was full, I would mail it to her.

Then Dudley started to keep an online diary that was a lot of fun to read, so I started doing that. So I have two diaries running at once right now.

However, neither diary is entirely “personal.” The cute book is eventually going to my mom, and some of my family and friends read the online diary (I think). There’s certain thoughts that I can’t broadcast. So I think it’s time to take up the personal diary again.

And having just recently watched Bridget Jones’ Diary, I think I might take up the “monitor, control and change certain habits” diary as well, being the New Year and all, time for resolutions.

Ramble ramble ramble. I believe that was the end of that rambling thought. Except for a piece of advice: keep a diary. Even if you don’t change. Even if, years from now, you still weigh the same and have the same habits you’ve been trying to change for years. Diaries remind you of what you were like when you were younger and that’s never a bad thing. And this advice pertains to all people, even if they aren’t so “young” anymore. Thoughts captured in time are always fun to reread years later.

I have to go!!! Four people, one bathroom, and a stack of magazines– for the love of all that’s good in the world, don’t ever create this combination!

I realize now that The Brady Bunch was implausable at the very root. There is no way six people could share one bathroom… ever. End of story, no argument. This was a basic failure in plot point that the writers did not address.

It’s free! I’m free! Bye!

So last night was quite excellent. I was not expecting to have a very good time because I’m socialized out, but I had a very good time. It was the Woodings, their friends the McNoughtons, Sam’s girlfriend Bev, and long time friend of the family John. So I knew everyone pretty well, and we had a good time. We counted down to midnight and then sang Auld Lang Syne while drinking champagne. I think Damian was the only one who knew all the words but he has such a booming voice that everyone else could mumble along and it sounded fine. Then we called Mom and Carla and sang Auld Lang Syne to them and wished them a Happy New Year. It was lots of fun.

We watched Memento today. That is a very good film. I recommend it.

I haven’t fleshed out my New Year’s resolutions yet. I desperately want a shower but Ben has beat me to it. We have four people sharing one bathroom so you have to be quick or you miss your chance. Also, they keep magazines in the bathroom. This means that a single bathroom visit by any individual can last quite awhile. I’ve learned to snatch the chance when I can.

I’ll work on my New Year’s resolutions while I’m waiting for my opportunity.

Omigod, this country is cold! My feet are cold, and my legs are cold. And my jeans are cold and when they brush up against my legs, my legs get colder. I am such a Texan! This coldness is bewildering! Heat I understand. I’ll complain about it, but I understand it. Cold is new, and very very cold.

So it’s the last day of the year. Traditionally I have always loved the New Year. It’s a time of renewal, a time to restate what’s important and set out the plans to achieve those things. It’s easy to make fun of New Year’s Resolutions because we very seldom hold to them, but I still think they’re important… and fun! I, of course, will make my Resolutions with pride and when I don’t follow them, I won’t be bummed. I’ll just make them again next year and try again. There will be a couple of new ones this year: finish my Great American Novel and put up the Wizard Moon website.

Matt and I want to have a baby in 2002 as well. I turn 34 years old in 2002 and my baby window is getting smaller. We’re both nervous about having kids, but we’ve decided to take the plunge next year.

The Woodings brothers are planning to have friends over to welcome the New Year. I have become very antisocial in the past couple of days. I tend to stay in our room reading, and come out for meals or games in the evening. I need a couple of days at my home in Austin to be by myself, and then I could socialize again. But you don’t get that on vacation. It’s constant socializing with people I don’t know very well yet, although that will change over the years. So I’ve been holing up in our room. I hope I’m not offending the Woodingses. It’s not their company that I dislike; I just need some downtime. I’m not a very social person. And I’m also not really looking forward to this evening when the house is filled with more people that I know even less. I think I’ll be sneaking away to my hiding room a lot this evening.

Ah, the life of an introvert. I guess extroverts have their own trials and tribulations they have to face. I wouldn’t know what those are, but I’m sure there are some.

Happy New Year.

So the hair has been in top performance while I’ve been in England. I wish my hair would be so excellent in Austin. This would be the very least the Woodings would say about their new daughter-in-law if they didn’t like me:
Random Person: So how do you like your new daughter-in-law?
Woodings: Well…. she has very nice hair.

But I think they do like me so yay!

Boxing day is a big deal here in England. All the Americans have returned to work and the Brits are still partying. The Woodings made a huge and totally yummy buffet meal that sat out all day, and people started arriving around 1pm. There’s still a roomful of people downstairs playing Balderdash but I just excused myself because it’s almost 1am and I’m a bit tired. The Woodings family is a lot of fun. If I must spend Christmas away from my family, they are definitely my first choice.

We bought a beautiful diamondback rattlesnake skin for Matt’s aunt Teresa and her family, and they loved it! I was worried that it would be just too weird of a present, but it was a big hit with everyone. 🙂

I thought I had more to say, but it turns out that I’m really tired. So, g’nite.

So the hair has been cooperating while I try to impress my in-laws, and the skin has finally fallen into line. At least they’ll think their son married someone with pretty red hair.

I miss my family. I didn’t spend last Christmas with them either. It’s been hard on both me and Matt. He knows I miss my family at Christmas and he wants me to be happy. And I know that he didn’t get to see his family all year because he lives in Texas now and I want him to be happy. We’re both so close to our families but our families are 6000 miles apart. I think the bigger problems will show up when we have children. I want my children to know both sides of the family because the Clarks and the Woodings are both excellent families. We’ll really have to work something out so the families don’t get separated over such long distances.

I love you, my little Texas family having Christmas at Surfside Beach. I’m thinking of you guys on this Christmas Eve.

So today was a good hair day. I wish everyday could be a good hair day. It gives you that extra bit of confidence… that nice little “Wow, my hair looks really great” feeling whenever you go to the restroom and check out your reflection while washing your hands. Good hair days rock.

Myself and the Woodings family went to see Fellowship of the Ring. I loved the movie even though I was a bit upset that they changed so much of the book. Tolkein’s words are beautiful. I don’t know why they had to go making up their own dialogue. Also, they changed things they didn’t need to. Like when they are ascending Caradhas (sp?) and Gandalf says they will let the ring-bearer decide whether to go over the mountain or go under it through Moria. Why would they change that? It would take just as much film time to stick with the original, which was Gandalf made the decisions. He was the leader. That was the change that irked me the most. A lot of the changes were made because they went from book to movie format. This was just a change for changes sake. And it was a significant change. Grrr….

The other part that irked me was they completely changed how the fellowship broke up in the end. Well, not completely, but by quite a bit. Why do they feel the need to change from the original? I just don’t understand it.

The last thing I didn’t like was Hugo Weaving’s portrayal as Elrond. I thought he would make a great Elrond but I was sorely disappointed. He was a disapproving daddy Elrond and I didn’t like it.

Anyways, all the negatives things being said, I did really like the movie. Everything through Moria was brilliant, especially the final battle with the Balrog. I loved Boromir’s final battle. The shire and Bilbo’s birthday party were exquisite and spot on. 75% of the movie was great and 25% will make you a bit irked if you’ve read the books.

It’s strange having an in-law family. I went with all the Woodingses to the movie– Mom, Dad and the three sons. I’m the first married-in wife. This family has been with each other all their lives, and I just showed up in the last year. I feel like a third wheel– very uncomfortable. I also feel like I’m the witch that came between them and their beloved brother/son. Being married definitely has bits that are uncomfortable and have to be worked through. I can only imagine that this is common- trying to fit into a new family when you’re just married. I’m afraid I don’t like it, but I’m also afraid that it’s necessary to a marriage and for my husband’s happiness. Hopefully with time I will feel like less of an outsider and interloper in the Woodings home.

Nitey nite from England.