So I’ve finally arrived in Lincoln, England, where Matt’s family lives. My sister took us to the airport Wednesday at noon and we just arrived here. It’s Friday at 10pm here. The Woodings parents picked us up from Gatwick yesterday and then we drove to Reims, France. I’d never been to France before so that was fun, if a little tiring. We drove from Gatwick Airport in London to the white cliffs of Dover. That was very pretty. The cliffs, not the drive I mean. I slept for most of the drive. It was really neat to see where invading armies from France landed. Now I know what it looks like from both sides of the armies, English and French– to imagine the English watch seeing the French ships showing up on the horizon, or the French troops seeing the white cliffs knowing they are about to land and fight.

We then got on a very large ferry to cross the English Channel from Dover to Calais, France. That was fun and I didn’t get seasick. Then I slept for most the ride from Calais to Reims, but I did get to see some of the French countryside and the miles upon miles of grape fields. They had no leaves or grapes, of course, because it was winter, but it was still impressive.

We stayed in a very small and pleasant French hotel which had a very old and very cool elevator. We walked to the cathedral in the town and then had a nice dinner and then Matt and I slept like the dead. The next morning we went to visit the Woodings’ friend Nickola Morley who runs the Morley Champagne house with the rest of his family. He showed us how champagne is made and the caves under the house where they store 300,000 bottles of champagne. I really enjoyed it. Then we had a wonderful lunch cooked by Madame Morley, bought lots of champagne and started the long journey from Reims, France to Lincoln, England. We left Reims at about 11am England time (noon French time) and arrived in England at 9pm England time.

Phew!! What a long journey from Austin, Texas! But I’m glad we went to France even though it was a very long and very tiring journey. Reims is beautiful and Nickola Morley and his mother are two wonderful people.

That’s all the travel news for now. I think I’m going to sleep for two days now. No more planes, boats or cars for me for awhile. I think I’ve had my fill.

So Matt got an email from his boss asking him to send in a weekly report saying what he spent his time on and what he plans to do the following week. The email ended with a disturbing paragraph that could’ve been interpreted as: you won’t be with us much longer. And the company is laying off 1/2 of their workforce as it is.

He emailed his boss back, saying “I’ll definitely start sending you those reports, and should I look for another job?” That’s not verbatim of course. 🙂 While we waited for his boss to answer, we discussed possible futures in a very unhappy way. We both felt the stress and the conversation wasn’t very helpful. His boss emailed back saying that everything was fine. They have plenty of work for him, but that he needs to send in these reports to keep the accountant-types of his boss’ back.

So the stress and worry immediately melted away and I was able to think clearly again. Two things came from this. The first was an interesting realization. Stress and worry seized up my mind and I was near useless. I wasn’t helpful in coming up with a solution to our possible problem. Hopefully, since I’m now aware of this, next time I’ll be a little more coherent.

The second thing I decided was that I’m not going to get a toy job. When we returned from England after the New Year, I was going to try to get a job at a comic book store or some other similar situation. The pay would be minimal with no benefits. I was trying to find something with little stress and that I found enjoyable. But now I’ve decided to get a real job.

I’ve been out of work for nearly six months now, and I’m ready to go back. I really needed the break. I worked for two start-ups in three years with no vacation. The stress broke me into little tiny pieces by the time we got laid off last June. But after my six-month break, I’m ready to go back. But not to another high-stress job. I’m done with that. I know I won’t get paid as much, but I can’t deal with all the bullshit and the inane hours they expect you to work. The money isn’t worth it to me.

I talked to Carla about my idea of her moving in with either me or Mom if Steve gets that job in Alaska. She and Steve had already been talking about that and she had already discussed the possibility with Mom. We’ll have to see what happens. I think her and Steve really want Steve to get that job because that would get them out of debt. And Steve suggested that she spend that year going back to school full time. One more year and she would have her associates degree from ACC in business management.

Plans plans plans. We always seem to have about five different plans in the works at any one time. One plan doesn’t work out, you just smoothly shift tracks and try Plan B.

By the way, marriage isn’t as easy as I thought it was. I guess it seemed easy because we are newlyweds. The biggest problem that we have is that Matt is so far from his family. That makes me really sad, and we don’t really have a good solution for that one.

That’s all my thoughts for now. Sudden ending.

So my husband has to stay up for another 3 hours or so to write documentation. Bleh. I’ve written documentation before and it’s so not fun. He’s been doing it for two days and he wants to finish it tonight so he’ll be done with it. Anyways, I’m trying to stay up with him. He works so hard and it’s the money that he brings in that pays the bills and buys the food. So when he stays up late, I often try to stay up with him for moral support. That doesn’t always happen though. He’s had to stay up til 3am before and I don’t make it much past midnight or 1am.

So Shelly is starting an online journal. It’s the wave of the future! Actually it’s really fun, and I can’t wait to start reading her entries. She’s been too busy so nothing yet. Now I just have to break Gene down and get him to publish his thoughts onto the world bulletin board.

Steve is looking into a job that would take him to Alaska for a year. It’s a lot of money and would get him and Carla out of debt and put money in savings. However, if this happens, Carla and their baby will be alone for a year. I don’t like that idea at all. I think she should move in with Matt and I or move to Kentucky and live with Mom for a year. I’m going to tell her my idea tomorrow. It’s all just hypothetical right now because Steve hasn’t even contacted the job people. Who knows if this will happen or not.

Gosh, really not a lot to say this evening. I think it’s because I’m very tired. I’m also trying to keep two journals at once. I’m keeping a journal that is just letters to Mom and when I’m finished I’m going to mail it to her. But I’m trying to not repeat information twice.

Definitely tired. I don’t know if I’m going to be able to stay up with Matt…. sleepy….

I haven’t written in this in awhile. I regularly read Dudley’s and yet never actually talk to Dudley. Apparently Gene does the same. What a bizarre time we live in. We communicate with each other like ghosts or like I’m a fly on the wall of Dudley’s life. Gene said he’s going to be the one friend that doesn’t start an online journal so all his friends say “Dammit! I have to CALL him! Why won’t he just be normal and write an online journal.” while they are dialing his phone number.

I also find the online journal a bizarre thing. It’s public yet only if someone happens to stumble upon it and find it interesting enough to read. So we post our thoughts publicly but it’s on a message board that’s so huge that the chances of anyone finding it are very slim. And many many people do this. What’s the appeal? There’s obviously an appeal, but what is it? The need to express our opinion? The need to shine our little flashlights into the infinite night sky? Or, oh hey, that might just be me. I think Dudley just uses it to keep in touch with his friends. *wink*

So, I play EverQuest a lot and the EQ shorthand is creeping into my everyday digital communication. Let me give you an example: Glenn ICQs saying “Where’s your husband? He won’t answer my ICQs.” and I answer “He’s afk atm. He’ll brb. )” And then of course I have to write another ICQ that is not in shorthand when I realize what gibberish I just sent to Glenn.

So then of course that makes me realize that I’m turning into my mom. My mom is worried that the art of written communication is being lost. She says that letters that were written in the 1800s and early 1900s were very well written, but with email, we are not expressing ourselves as eloquently. I guess because you get email almost instantly whereas in the 1800s a letter was infrequent and treasured. Anyways, there is a TON of kids on EQ, and they all write like that. Here’s an example of something typical on EQ: “ru noob. jk =P” Let me translate: “Are you a newbie? Just kidding. [face with a tongue sticking out the side]” Why, asks the normal person over the age of 25, do they write like that? A lot less keystrokes. It’s realtime chat, and who knows if they have taken “keyboarding” in school yet. (The name of the class is really “keyboarding.” I’m not making that up.)

So I of course think, “Geez, how are these kids going to speak and write when they grow up?” We all turn into our parents. Do not kid yourself about that. I hope you like your parents and wouldn’t mind looking like them and thinking like them. I’m lucky. I have a great mom. 🙂

And what is with the new way to spell cool?! “Kewl” Yuch! *sigh* I am so un-kewl these days, too old. I don’t like loud music anymore either.

Well, not so much an update on my life as a lot of rambling thoughts. But that’s me, the great unemployed philosopher. That’s what all unemployed people do, you know. Some people think that we sit around and watch daytime talk shows and wonder if we should enroll in ITT Technical Institute. No! We download mp3s all day and philosophize about the universe. We’ll have it all figured out for you employed people around 2010. Hang in there until then!

Nitey nite. I’m off to my secret lab now to finish my plans to take over the world.

I’m listening to the soundtrack of Crounching Tiger, Hidden Dragon. What beautiful music.

Anyways, I’ve decided to plan my life. Of course, I can’t plan too far ahead because things constantly change. But I have things I want to do, things that require focus and dedication. Not big things, like become president and rule the country, but little things, like create a really cool online store and write a book. I always thought “husband” would be a thing I had to do, like when you’re writing your to-do list. Clean the kitchen, go to the grocery store, spend quality time with husband so marriage doesn’t end in ruins. That kind of thing. At least, that’s what people have always told me. It turns out that he’s always there, like the walls or the cat. We spend almost all our time together and it’s not something I “do”. I don’t make time to spend with myself, I’m just always with myself. It’s the same with Matt.

So that frees up that slot on the to-do list.

What do I want to do……

Okay, so I’ve decided to not continue the story online. It’s difficult to post, and I miss out bits. If anyone would like to continue reading it, just email me. In the meantime, it will just be my mind’s meanderings.

There’s LOTS of online journals. They litter the web like porn sites. What’s up with that? We’re so un-unique. It’s very disturbing sometimes. I think all our thoughts and desires are the same, only our actions are different. It’s easy to sit on your ass and think and wish. The ones that are unique are the ones that do. That’s where the population gets divided out.

….and that’s so elitist and cynical to say. But, really, surf the web and look at all the journals. The similarities, and also the fact that there’s a million out there, is astounding.

This thought has no conclusion. I’m just feeling down on myself for not doing anything for the past two months except complain and play EverQuest.

I removed the story entry because I’m giving my live journal URL to my 12-year-old cousin who also has an online journal. Anyways, the story was of an adult nature and was inappropriate reading for my 12-year-old cousin, so I’ve removed it.

I removed the story entry because I’m giving my live journal URL to my 12-year-old cousin who also has an online journal. Anyways, the story was of an adult nature and was inappropriate reading for my 12-year-old cousin, so I’ve removed it.

I removed the story entry because I’m giving my live journal URL to my 12-year-old cousin who also has an online journal. Anyways, the story was of an adult nature and was inappropriate reading for my 12-year-old cousin, so I’ve removed it.

My husband just read my entry and he said that “Life without purpose is no life.” sounds like life isn’t worth living. That’s not what I meant. Drifting through the world without intent or direction is a very unhappy state. As I’ve been going in and out of this state for the last two months, I can tell you from personal experience that humans are not hard-wired that way. If emotions are our barometers, then my emotions are telling me to do something with some meaning NOW.

(My dog chases flies. It’s the cutest thing.)