Daddy, Lily and Gabriella (Lily’s doll) snuggled together on the couch.
01 September 2008

What makes a person thrive?  What do you need in your environment to make you personally thrive?  One definition for environment is “The totality of surrounding conditions and circumstances affected growth and development.”  Do your surrounding conditions and circumstances nurture you?

We’re going to do an experiment together: close your eyes and imagine an environment in which you would glow, in which you would be so filled with energy and happiness that you would inspire the people around you with your amazing work ethic and positive attitude.   Take your time; I’ll wait.

Now open your eyes and look about you.  How close is reality to the personal utopia you envisioned?  Can one achieve a personal utopia?

I don’t thrive in Texas.  The heat is oppressive.   I live in recycled air for months at a time.  Trying to garden in Central Texas is like trying to garden in a desert.  Our houses have no light because if we let light in, we also let the intense heat in.

Do I change my world or do I change myself?  I hate the Texas climate, but I can’t leave because Matt’s work is here.   And even if I did leave, would I take my unhappiness with me because, in the end, it’s not so much about the environment and more about one’s personal baggage and attitude?

Is utopia on the inside or the outside?  Or is it a little bit of both?

Lily and Clara snuggling on the couch.
15 August 2008

I have a devoted readership of about 15 people which include my family, my husband’s family, and a few friends.  If I don’t update after a few days, I get a phone call from my father-in-law telling me to update my blog as they want to see more photos of the children.  I think I mentioned before that the children are the rock stars now and I’m just with the band.

I’ve been busy trying to write… you know… become something more than I am… believe in myself… shoot for the stars… all that good stuff that after-school Disney movies are made of.  It’s hard though.  Very hard.

And speaking of feel-good after-school Disney movies, I watched the trailer for High School Musical 3 today, and I am so excited!  We’re going to drive to San Antonio on opening weekend and go see it with Lindsey, another HSM fan.

Now, here’s a little bit of advice: if you have never gone to a popular children’s show on opening weekend, you really must do it once.  I went to see Mortal Kombat on opening weekend, and the theater was packed with 7-year-old to 14-year-old boys.  It was so much fun!  At that age, they don’t know to act “cool” yet, so they are totally into the movie.  They laugh, scream, clap, whisper.  Excited children take what would be an average experience at the movie theater and make it something really enjoyable and memorable.  I love HSM anyway, but I want to go with all of the tweens, and laugh and cry with childlike abandon and enjoy 100 musical minutes of unaffected fun.

The children watching Toy Story 2 together.
03 August 2008

Matt and I watched Crazy Sexy Cancer the other day.  When I first heard about it, my mom and I were picking films to watch together, and I told my mom that I wanted her to watch this one with me, and she said, “I don’t want to watch a documentary about a woman who has cancer!” implying that the subject matter may be a bit on the depressing side.  And I said, “It’s a documentary about a woman who chooses to take her health into her own hands and learns to live with a chronic disease.  One of your children [Carla] has a chronic disease [Type II diabetes] that she must learn to live with.”

The movie that my mom chose for us to watch together was Miss Potter in which the love interest dies.  After he died, I turned to Mom and said, “He dies?!  You are definitely watching Crazy Sexy Cancer with me now!  At least in my movie she doesn’t die.”  But, unfortunately, we didn’t get Crazy Sexy Cancer in the mail from Netflix before my mom had to return to Kentucky, so I have yet to share this documentary with her.

But, anyways, back to the main thread of the post.  Matt and I really enjoyed the documentary.  Being about cancer and involving real people, there were definitely parts that really pulled at your heart, but overall it is an uplifting documentary about health, and by the end of the movie, Kris Carr is this vibrant, beautiful, healthy woman — an amazing flower that has opened up to the sun.

We watched a few of the extras on the DVD, and Matt and I both noticed, independently of each other, how healthy she looked.  She was just… vibrant.  She was beautiful in a way that you never see in supermodels because the foundation of her beauty was health, not cosmetics and a thin body.  She is far healthier than both Matt and I, who do not have cancer, and that was a real eye-opener for both of us.

So now Matt and I have a standard set for the kind of health we would like to achieve in our life.  If we could look as amazing and vibrant and beautiful as Kris Carr, then we’ll know we have achieved a healthy lifestyle.

Damian playing in the sandbox.
04 August 2008

I’ve decided that the folks who most benefit from wireless keyboards are cat owners.  No longer do we have to attempt deft maneuvers and contortions around the cat while trying to type on the keyboard.  We can now simply pick up our keyboard, place it on our lap, and type at our leisure while the cat sprawls across the desk.

If you’re thinking, “Why don’t you just move the cat?” then you are obviously not a cat owner.  Cat owners are a peculiar personality type and they do not move their cats from whatever comfortable position the cat has chosen, whether it’s the book we’re reading, our favorite pillow, or right in front of the keyboard on the desk.  We’ll buy a wireless keyboard before we’ll move our cat.

The spouse of a cat owner, however, has an entirely different view of the cat. 😉

Lindsey in London with St Paul’s Cathedral in the distance.
18 June 2008

Matt’s dad, Damian, took Lindsey and I to London, and we had a really nice day.  While there, we went to the top of St Paul’s Cathedral.  Before we climbed to the top, Lindsey warned us that she was afraid of heights.  Since neither Damian nor I are afraid of heights and have no experience with that fear, we both kind of muttered “Okay” and promptly ignored what she said.  As we climbed higher and higher, she became more agitated.  Damian and I continued to think everything was fine because we were fine.

At the top, she was still masking her fear very well.  She was nervous, but not immobilized, so I continued to dismiss her feelings.  It wasn’t until we were descending the steep spiral stairs and she was looking down a deep well with every step that her mask fell and her true fear of heights became undeniably obvious.  And it finally got through my thick skull: Lindsey is afraid of heights; I need to respect that.

It’s so easy to dismiss other people’s fears and anxieties when you don’t carry those same fears yourself.  I was thinking about this today because I am so happy in my home.  I don’t like to travel much.  This issue came up this year because we have been travelling a lot.  I like to work on my house and my garden, and to sit at my desk to write and draw and dream.  And many people don’t understand this because they want to experience the world and new people and new places.  And though I do love to travel very much and experience the new and see my family who are scattered about the globe, I don’t like it in heavy doses.  I miss my home life very much when I do.

But now I have a metaphor to explain myself to other people.  A fear of heights is easy to understand.  And just like Lindsey is afraid of heights and that is within her nature, it is within my nature to want to be in my home, nurturing my personal environment.  I have very little influence over the rest of the world and how it is run, but I can create a tiny paradise within the small space of my house and my gardens.  And that’s what I do everyday and I really enjoy it.

Lily was playing with her baby doll Belle while dressed
in her Belle dress today. It was very cute, so I said,
“C’mon, Lily. I want to get a picture of the two Belles
together.” My sweet little girl sat down and promptly
posed for me. Whether this is a function of being
a three-year-old or of being a three-year-old who is
constantly photographed by her mother, I don’t know.
But either way, I really enjoyed our modeling session
together. That’s my princess.

I love High School Musical.  Like everyone else, I heard of it from all the buzz that was flowing through the undercurrent of our society, so I eventually watched it.  Like all adults, I first thought it was very cheesy.  But then it grew on me, and now I like it very much.  I’ll put it on in the background while I’m doing housework, and the songs are on my iPod.  And I have the release date for HSM 3 on my calendar because Lily (another big fan of HSM) and I are very excited about going to see it in the movie theater.

I like High School Musical for the same reason I like The Cat Who series by Lilian Jackson Braun: the fictional worlds in which these stories take place are idealic.  It’s the kind of place where you would like to live if they actually existed somewhere in this world.  Everyone is kind and quirky and fun.  And there is a strong sense of community.  And, in the case of High School Musical, you have appropriate background music for your every mood and situation.

While looking up the Wikipedia entry for The Cat Who series, I surfed a couple of links until I stumbled upon the Detroit News Interview with Lilian Jackson Braun.  It’s short and, if you’re a writer, very worth the read.  It sums up beautifully why we write and why Lilian Jackson Braun is still writing prolifically in her 90s:

But, like many artists in various fields who are inspired by some inner need to create, her drive is neither money nor fame. She avoids interviews and lives quietly, writing every day.

What’s alive for her — and what keeps her engaged, curious, amused, productive — is the never-ending surprise of what’s in her own head.

I know that my own imagination keeps me entertained every day.  Who needs fairies, dragons, or a high school where there is no poverty or cruelty if your own creativity weaves fantastic worlds for you every day? 😉

Grannie and Grandpa bought this little car
for Lily’s first Christmas. Damian has claimed
it as his own and scoots all around the house
on it. Lily follows him on her pink tricycle.
It’s very cute.

I constantly worry that I’m not working hard enough – that I have too much unfinished business I haven’t completed at the end of each day.  Then I stumbled upon this quote today:

Finish each day and be done with it. You have done what you could. Some blunders and absurdities no doubt crept in; forget them as soon as you can. Tomorrow is a new day; begin it well and serenely and with too high a spirit to be encumbered with your old nonsense.
                                 –Ralph Waldo Emerson

I love this quote.  It gives me permission to let go and be human.

Ben and Allison Woodings
21 June 2008
(We have four Mrs Woodingses now 😉 )

Sometimes I feel like I’m putting together a giant life puzzle.  Here are some of the various pieces:

A clean, welcoming home
A loving, healthy family
Financial security
Writing
Finding time to be with my husband
Run a marathon

These are just a few of the pieces; there are many many more pieces.  The edges of the puzzle are defined by time.  I feel if I can just figure it out — just somehow solve the puzzle — all the pieces will interlock with each other perfectly and the resulting picture would be me and the life I have chosen.

But I have not solved the puzzle yet.  I’m still fitting this piece with that, moving this other piece over there, taking a sip of water, and then trying a different tactic.  Sometimes I feel like I’m missing one crucial piece — the final piece with which all the other pieces will fall into place.

I feel that final piece is confidence or diligence or focus or faith… something… something that finally breaks the code.  I’m missing the key to my puzzle.

Very cute picture of Nana and Clara in Conroe
06 July 2008

I just finished catching up on my brother’s blog (I hadn’t read it in awhile), and I discovered something: my brother is a bit dark.  He did just go through a divorce though, and I imagine that I would be pretty dark after a divorce.

Reading my brother’s blog illustrated perfectly why I like blogs so much.  Blogs are just our rambling thoughts – whatever we’re thinking or feeling at that moment.  When we physically interact with people, there are a couple of things going on:  1) We are responding to the other person’s words and body language; the conversation is a dialogue, not a monologue.  2) We all put on masks — various different masks depending on who we are talking to and the situation — when we are face to face with people.

Blogs are just one person’s unedited thoughts.  You learn things about people — people you love very much and want to know intimately — that you would have never learned otherwise.  Blogs are digital windows.

I really like blogs.

Lily, Sophia, Damian, and Logan
racing cars down the sloped patio.
Conroe, Texas
01 July 2008

I am so tired.  We have been on the go for a month.  This is the crazy schedule my family was just on:

July 13 – July 25: England
July 25 – July 30: Home, unpack, catch-up on house, laundry, pack
July 1 – July 8: Conroe (we got over the last of our jetlag in Conroe)
July 1 – July 12: Mom and Paul in town

By the time my mom flies out this coming Saturday, we will have been crazy busy and out-of-routine for a month.  My mom said that she wants to come down for a month at Christmas, and I told her that a month is too long to be away from your home.  She said that after seeing how we looked this month, she agrees and will probably only come down for three weeks.

I’m sooooooooooooooooooooooo glad to be home.  So very very glad to be home.  Matt said that we are not making any more plans until Thanksgiving in November, and even then it will just be a large family dinner here in Round Rock; we’re not planning on leaving our home.

Needless to say however, there will be lots of vacation photos for the next few blog entries.

Now to figure out where I left off with my life plans a month ago… where’s my pen and DIY planner…