I don’t usually write political blog entries, but every now and then, I get a real sense of civic duty — a strong feeling that I must attend and participate in an event in order to consider myself a responsible American.  When I read about the Hutto Residential Facility and the candlelight vigil being held to protest, I got that feeling again.

Since I’m actually slightly apathetic and lazy by nature, you’d think I would ignore these internal summonings.  But they are always too strong and persistent.  So off I go to be counted, dragging my family with me. 🙂

Here is the link to the video describing the Hutto facility.

And here is the link describing the vigil protesting the facility.

I have small children, so I don’t think I will go for the entire event.  Our family’s presence there serves two purposes: 1) to be counted, especially if any media show up; and 2) so the families inside the facility can see and hear us.  I’m trying to figure out what part we need to be there for in order for those two things to be accomplished.

When I called Matt and told him that I wanted to go on this protest, he said, “You are your mother’s daughter and your grandmother’s granddaughter.”  I said, “I know!  I thought of that too!”  I remember going with Mom in the ’70s when she would protest when were kids.  We would play around on the grass while all the adults protested.  And my grandmother, who is 79-years-old, still attends protests and is politically active.

I guess the apple doesn’t fall too far from the tree. 🙂

Our whole family has had such a great weekend, and it’s not even half over yet.  Our weekend started yesterday, Friday, at 5pm.  Carla and Deb took the kids for the whole night while Matt and I went out for the annual HotSchedules Christmas party.  I love all the HotSchedules parties because they are always full of hugs, food, amazing people, and funny stories.  So we had a whole evening full of hugs, food, amazing people, and funny stories.  And we stayed the night in a hotel… without children.  It was very romantic.

And when we got home this morning at 9am, Deb and her crew were here.  It was Deb, Lins, Kels, Justin, Sean, and Sophia.  Logan had stayed the night as well.  We made a big breakfast, and Carla and Clara joined us.  And we had a fun, happy day with our family.  Some family pictures:

Justy with the magic touch putting baby Clara down for a nap.
08 December 2007

Lily and Sophia drawing together.
08 December 2007

Sean holding the top part of the fountain so Damian can’t knock it over.
08 December 2007

Sean, Carla, Justin, and Damian on the back porch.
(Baby Clara is there too, asleep in Justin’s lap.
You can see her little foot.)
08 December 2007

Kelsey with her new black-brown hair color
which I think looks really good on her.
08 December 2007

I couldn’t decide which Kelsey expression I liked better,
so I posted both of them.
08 December 2007

More of Sean, Justy, and the kids.
08 December 2007

All of the wonderful, amazing, perfect cousins.
08 December 2007

We’ve had a wonderful wonderful weekend.  Really wonderful.

Oh, I almost forgot to mention that we met A.J. Vallejo last night.  I told Matt that Vallejo is a part of Austin culture, like Leslie or Magnolia Cafe.

Matt really is becoming an Austinite. 🙂

Lani in the back garden.
30 November 2007

I think I use the excuse of “lack of time” as a procrastination tool. I am a master procrastinator.  I have evolved the skill of procrastination into an art form.  I should be studied.

What if I didn’t let “lack of time” be an option?  I don’t know if that is even in my personality mix.  I’m not a “do or die” kind of person; I’m more like a “whatever” person.

But I do want to sew.  And I do want to write and podcast.  And my current personality flaws really are getting in the way of that dream.

I hate changing my habits.  It’s such a pain in the ass… I mean, it takes real effort – focused, persistent effort — to change yourself and your habits.  But, of course, the flip side of that is to just remain unhappy, and that certainly is more of a pain in the ass. 😉

Surely I can put forth a little focused, persistent effort for the sake of my dreams… surely…

Daddy and Lily eating banana bread and watching Totoro
01 December 2007

I’m looking for time.  I’m looking for precious nuggets of time — trying to mine them from my scheduled day of childcare and house cleaning.  And with these mined treasures, I want to create.  I want to sew and write and podcast.

As a parent of preschool children, time becomes precious because it has become so scarce — the whole supply and demand concept working within a family unit.  You have to search not only for time for yourself, but time to be with your spouse as well.  You feel like a supporting character in the cast of your own life.

Matt and I have decided to go out on a date once a month.  We had so much fun being out with each other the other night — and it revitalized our marriage which revitalizes our family – so we want to have regular dates, to connect as two adults in love.

It’s a weird and difficult balancing act as a parent.  You have to nurture the children, yourself, and your relationship with your spouse.  I’ve been a parent for three years now and I’m still figuring it out… and I’m still trying to find the time to fit it all in.

Putting up the Christmas tree
02 December 2007

Shelrie came over yesterday.  I love it when she visits for several reasons:  1) She’s vegetarian, and Matt always makes a really nice vegetarian meal for her.  Yesterday he made a very delicious vegetarian stir fry and we had his yummy banana bread for dessert.  2) Shelrie’s conversation is always enjoyable for everyone.  And 3) since we’ve known each other since we were 15-years-old and we were roommates in college as well, we reminisce.  I have only two other friends, Rick and Shelly, that I’ve known as long as Shelrie.  The older I get, the more I cherish my long-time friends.

Last night, we pulled out the old photo albums and thumbed through some pictures of us in high school and college.  It was really fun, saying “Oh my gosh, do you remember when we did that?” and “Oh my gosh, do you remember her?”

When my babies were born, I received several presents — books and calendars — that were for recording your child’s achievements: first word, first step, weight, height.  The women that gave them to me told me how much they really liked their baby books, and how they love to look back at them and see how the children have grown.

When I received the gifts, I was very grateful because the thought was so kind, but I knew I wouldn’t use them.  By the age of 36 (that’s how old I was when Lily was born), I already knew that this was not how I recorded my life.  That’s also when I realized that everyone has a different way to record their life.  Some people scrapbook; some people journal; some people use memory books.  I take pictures.  I also blog, but I think that is a secondary method.  I blog mostly to communicate.  But I take pictures to record my life — to remember and cherish.

My photo collection is a mess.  Truly a mess.  It’s in four or five boxes out in the garage, getting ruined.  I need to take the time to organize it.

Also, after going through some of the older photos with Shelrie last night, I realized that many of the photos are crap.  They are terrible photos of scenery.  When I go through the photo collection, I need to pick out the gems and leave the rest.  Otherwise, the gems get lost in the noise.

After Shelrie left, I took out the camera to take pictures of the kids and Matt putting up the Christmas tree, and I realized that I haven’t taken any pictures of Shelrie.  The last picture I have of Shelrie is from ten years ago.  I need to take pictures the next time she visits.

I like recording my life.  It’s fun to look back over the record with old friends. 🙂

Lily brushing the window.
30 November 2007

I have mentioned before that I am the “crazy list lady,” and I finally figured out why I list so much yesterday.  I have been wanting to list since Friday, and Matt, being the kind soul that he is, tolerates my habit not only with equanimity but with actual encouragement.  You see, since he is my husband and life partner, he has to be actively involved in my listing for my lists to be useful.

I don’t list all the books in my house or the different kinds of weeds we have in the garden.  I list my life.  And my life is Matt’s life, and Matt’s life is my life, so I drag him in deep with my lists… and he happily goes along because he knows it’s a bizarre need of mine.

I used to hide my listing habit from people because I thought they would think I was really weird.  But lately I’ve been embracing this intrinsic habit of mine.  I’ve been listing things since I was a child — organizing all the thoughts and ideas in my head and sometimes the physical stuff in my life.  But I mostly list ideas and desires.

Recently, two lists have popped out as being currently the most useful: what do we want to have accomplished in one year, and what should we be doing right now to achieve those year-long goals.  (Actually, the debt reduction plan, which could be considered a list, has also been extremely useful.)

While making these lists with Matt, I realized why I do this: it helps me stay focused.  When I start feeling unfocused and lost, I make a list.  If I still feel unfocused and lost, I either refine the list or try a different list.  Through listing my life, I eventually gain focus and a sense of direction.

And it’s fun. 🙂

Damian playing with fallen leaves.
(One of the perks of this blog is that it
encourages me to habitually take pictures
of the children.)
30 November 2007

The kids and I had to drive into Austin today.  Fan, our betta, has a bacterial infection, so we drove to Aquatek in NW Austin to get him some medicine.  (While we were there, we picked up an uber-cool Japanese moss ball as well as some Java moss for the Macquarium.)  As I was driving into Austin and the roads began to fill up with hybrid vehicles covered in liberal bumper stickers, I got a real pang of homesickness.  This happens everytime I drive into Austin.

Austin is my true home, and I miss it… badly.

Matt and I noticed the same thing last night when we went to the Lake Creek Alamo Drafthouse to see Showgirls 2.0 with David Schmader (very very funny, btw — we thoroughly enjoyed it).  On our row was a man with bright red dyed hair, and a couple of rows ahead of us was a lady with bright blue dyed hair.  Nearly everyone in the audience was dressed in 90s Grunge Lite which is typical Austin dress code.  And I felt so at home.

How can 20 miles north make such a difference?  When the time is right (aka the money is right), I think we’ll definitely be moving back into Austin.  It’s easier to get involved in your community when it feels like your home.

And speaking of community and being a liberal techie Austinite, I contributed to an open source community!  How cool am I?!  I updated the 2007 2-up classic calendar for the DIY Planner website for 2008.

And my husband codes Java for a living.

We so belong in Austin.

…. I can’t even find the words….
I love this photo.
25 November 2007

I wasn’t going to post this evening because I have nothing in particular to post about, but then I took this picture.  I had to post it immediately.  It is one of the funniest and cutest pictures I’ve ever taken of Lily.

So no text really, just a joyful picture.

It’s 12:30 in the morning, and my whole family is asleep.  Lily has had a very exciting couple of days because her cousins, aunts and uncles have been here for the Thanksgiving holiday.  Since she is overtired from two days of excitement, we had a lot of “instant meltdown” this evening.

And our house, which was already messy before Thanksgiving started, has surpassed into “what the hell?” after hosting family for two days.  And I am supposed to be catching up on our finances right now.  People who already overspend, like Matt and myself, tend to really overspend during the holiday season.  The holidays are a dangerous time for rampant consumers, like an alcoholic being invited to an open-bar wedding — you can get through it, but you have to be mindful of your weakness at every moment until the party is over… if you drop your guard for too long, you fall back into impulse and habit and wake up the next morning with regret.

Thanksgiving piccies:

Matt preparing the Thanksgiving feast.
Matt, the expatriate Englishman who never celebrated Thanksgiving
before coming here in 2000, has cooked our Thanksgiving feast
for the last four or five Thanksgivings. He said it’s not difficult
at all because Thanksgiving dinner is the same as Christmas
dinner in England. In fact, that is how Glenn described
Thanksgiving: “a dress rehearsal for Christmas.” This year,
Matt’s meal was amazing. Really amazing.
Thanksgiving 2007
22 November 2007

Tickle-mania!
Thanksgiving 2007
22 November 2007

More tickle-mania.
Thanksgiving 2007
22 November 2007

Logan, Carla, and Lily, as always, holding Clara
Thanksgiving 2007
22 November 2007

Carla and Lily feeding Clara
Thanksgiving 2007
22 November 2007

Steve and Lily feeding Clara
(The three of them are watching
the Cowboys game in this picture.)
Thanksgiving 2007
22 November 2007

Carla with her kids
(This picture also shows the very cute
kitty-cat ensemble Clara was wearing.)
Thanksgiving 2007
22 November 2007

Matt falling asleep on the floor after cooking and eating all day.
(Isn’t that what Thanksgiving is all about — cooking and eating?)
Thanksgiving 2007
22 November 2007

The older cousins
Thanksgiving 2007
22 November 2007

Lily fell fast asleep on Cody
after a full day of playing with her cousins.
Thanksgiving 2007
22 November 2007

We had a wonderful Thanksgiving full of food and family.  I hope everyone else had a wonderful Thanksgiving too. 🙂

Super-cute cheeks!
13 November 2007

I feel like I keep going over topics that are well-known.  It is well-known that many stay-at-home moms feel isolated.  I’m just trying to warn people — not to stay away, mind you.  Being a stay-at-home mom is a rewarding and important job.  But to warn people so that they are prepared.

So here’s the warning: you feel very isolated and lonely as a stay-at-home mom.  I am part of wonderful playgroup; I have an amazing, supportive husband; and yet I still feel very lonely sometimes.

Do you remember how lonely you were before you finally met “The One”?  Do you remember crying to the night sky, begging not to be alone anymore?  Do you remember how some nights, alone in your bed, you would feel the almost unbearable crush of loneliness?

Well, you get to revisit all that as a stay-at-home mom.

Preschool children are extremely hard work, and you do 85% of that hard work by yourself — all alone — day in and day out.  All by yourself, each day, you constantly tend to the needs of small children.

I feel like I need to add an addendum: I love my children and my husband.  I love them so fiercely that there is not even a word for it.  Just be forewarned, if you want to be a stay-at-home mom, plan for the loneliness.  Join a playgroup; ask the grandparents to take the children occasionally; keep your husband informed of the sometimes overbearing sense of loneliness so he can be there for you.  It will be lonely, so plan for it as best you can.