Lily
01 September 2006

So, at the baby’s naptime, I sat down at my computer to write. I pulled out my poor unfinished novel, and, as I was reading over it, I saw it in a new light.

I didn’t want to finish it.  I didn’t want to do it.  The obsession was missing.  The desire, the drive — the need — had vanished.

Isn’t that weird? 

I always thought it was to be a life achievement for me, to write a book.  But perhaps it’s not.  It just goes to show you that you should never assume anything about the future.  Live in the now.  Enjoy the now and don’t waste your life sitting in anticipation of the future because the future may be nothing like you imagine.

Well, that’s one 2006 goal taken care of.  That’s the funny things about goals as well: they are liquid.  I suppose some folks have goals that are as solid and unmoving as mountains, but not mine.  My goals are a stream in a forest meadow and the dappled sunlight dances off their constant movement.

Where does that leave my urge to write?  Who knows.  Who knows what tomorrow holds, or where desire will lead me.

Right now, I have a desire to get projects completed and the house ready for this baby.  I am definitely in the hard-core nesting phase of pregnancy.  I am constantly cleaning and organizing.  I am 30-weeks pregnant.  Lily was born at 38 weeks.  If this baby comes around the same time, then I have only 8 weeks left!

And I still have one more 2006 resolution to complete: get off sugar.  I think I might switch that one to: live a healthier lifestyle.  However, “live a healthier lifestyle” is too nebulous to be a goal.  It needs to be more concrete.  Something like “eat smaller portions and exercise.”

Americans, and Texans in particular, eat huge portions.  It’s quite silly how much food we put on our plate or how much is served to us at a restaurant.

Well, anyways, blah blah blah.  This has become a very meandering entry.  I think it’s time to stop and think things through in a more private medium.

Okay, I tried to do a quick and dirty job at a Thanksgiving theme, but it looked like shite.  Say it with me, “shite.”  So I just grabbed one of the themes that came with the latest WordPress download.

There’s some really cool design out there.  Themes are neat.  I love the idea of skinning your site… or re-skinning your site whenever the mood hits you.  There’s even a WordPress plug-in that allows you, the surfer, to skin the site in whatever theme suits you.  I have already decided to play with that plug-in when time allows.

Of course, with a second baby coming along soon, playing with plug-ins may be years off… seriously.  In two to three months from now, my life will belong to my children for a couple of years.  As they get older, I will slowly gain some time back to myself, but for a few years, I belong to these two little human beings.  “Mommy” will be my only identity for awhile.

Good thing there are lovely WordPress themes developed by the community to satisfy my need to change the look of my website.  I won’t have the time to do the work myself.

Lily helps me set the table every night for dinner.
Recently, she’s been putting her stuffed animals and dollies in the chairs.
In this picture, you can see a dollie in each seat,
or at least you can see the top of the dollie’s head.
26 October 2006

I just realized that I need to change my WordPress theme now that Halloween is over.  That passed quickly, didn’t it?  I guess I should do a Thanksgiving theme.  A Christmas theme would be easier because there is so many cute Christmas icons out on the web, but really, I can’t skip Thanksgiving.  The stores are already doing that for us.

By the way, I never did export this Halloween WordPress theme.  That doesn’t mean I won’t ever, just means I won’t for Halloween 2006. 🙂

Some interesting photos from Halloween last night:

Halloween at Lakeline Mall
31 October 2006

So I ask Matt after I notice the camera flash going off a couple of times last night, “Are you taking pictures of my butt?” He pauses for a moment, trying to make sure he gives the right answer, and then says, “Yes.”

Here’s another picture he took:

Halloween at Lakeline Mall
31 October 2006

There’s not a single picture from last night that has my face in it.  Lily is the rock star now, and I’m just with the band. 🙂

Last night, Carla and Steve took Logan and Lily to the Fall Festival at Logan’s elementary school.  It was Lily’s first time to wear her leopard Halloween costume, so we took pictures.  (Actually, Nana bought her a very cute ladybug costume which, when we tried to get her to wear it for the Renaissance Festival, we discovered she didn’t like it.  However, the leopard costume is a big success.)

There are two pictures from the set we took last night that I like.  One picture is interesting because of the content: it’s a picture of a cute toddler in a cute costume.  But if the content wasn’t so cute, the picture wouldn’t be interesting at all.  It is what I call a “literal” picture.

Ready to go to the Fall Festival
27 October 2006

The other picture is interesting due to the composition.  I like the use of the wide angle lens, the depth of field, Logan’s eye peaking through his fingers, the foreground/background assymetry of the photo — stuff like that.

Ready to go to the Fall Festival
27 October 2006

But sometimes you have to sacrifice content for composition (or vice versa).  In the second photo of the children leaving for the Fall Festival, though it was interesting visually, we don’t get to see Lily’s or Logan’s cute costumes.  Here’s another example.  This is Andrea Scher’s friend.  Visually, the photo is very beautiful and interesting, however, Andrea had to cut out her friend’s face to achieve the effect.  Would you rather see your friend’s face or have a visually stunning photo?  Tough call.  Both photos definitely have their individual appeal.  (Of course, by cutting out her friend’s face, his outfit and color become the subject of the photo, not the person.  She changed the entire subject with just a crop.) 

I guess the best pictures are the ones that contain both content and composition.  Perhaps the following picture contains both content and composition.  It’s a cute toddler laughing while having a bath in the sink.  You can see her playing with Daddy’s hands.  Juxtaposing a man’s large hands with the delicate hands of a child is always heart-warming for some reason.

Lily having a bath in the sink with Daddy.
21 October 2006

The following photo would be a “literal” translation of the same event:

Lily having a bath in the sink with Daddy.
21 October 2006

Still a very cute picture, but the composition is straight forward. Content carries the entire photo in the second picture.  Also, there is no metaphor, no poetry.  In the first photo, Daddy’s strong masculine hands gently playing with her small delicate hands are the representation of all that is Daddy — protection, strength, love and kindness.  In the second photo, Daddy is right there, and the poetry fades away as the story (Lily having a sink bath with Daddy) takes over.  (Don’t get me wrong, I like the second photo very much — I like their expressions and Lily holding her little foot up telling Daddy that it’s clean – but it is straight forward.)

These were just some thoughts I was having in my head while I was looking at the photos. 🙂

Logan and Justin blowing out the candles on Justin’s birthday cake.
23 October 2006

Justin and his new boyfriend, Ben, came into Austin to celebrate Justin’s 24th birthday. We had a lovely, if farcical, birthday dinner.  Matt was making roast potatoes and Yorkshire pudding, but the oil caught fire in the oven.  After telling everyone to go outside, Matt and our neighbor Pete put out the oven fire.

Since the roast potatoes and Yorkshire puddings were ruined, Sarah and her friend Mika went to Jack in the Box to get french fries for everyone.  Upon returning, the bag ripped open and all the french fries fell on the driveway.  So off they went to Jack in the Box for a second batch of french fries.

But, even with all the misadventures, we had an excellent birthday dinner and excellent time with Ben and Justin.  They stayed with us the following day as well.  We hadn’t seen Justin in awhile and it was really nice spending his birthday with him.

Thanks for coming to see us, Justin. :)  You’re always great company.

Lily was supposed to be helping Daddy carve the pumpkin,
but the pumpkin had hardly any guts to pull out
and the knives were much too dangerous for her to use.
So, in the end, she just ran around with her wooden spoon.
A good time was still had by all.
17 October 2006

I actually don’t have a lot to write. I’ve just been taking lots of photos lately, and I have lots of cute photos I want to post. As it is, I still haven’t posted any from the Renaissance Festival.

This looks like a journal entry, doesn’t it?  What it actually is, is Procrastination in the written form.  I want to work on my book and complete one of my 2006 Resolutions, but before I do that, I have to clean.  My desk is useless at the moment.  There is crap everywhere.  The cat, who loves to sleep on my desk, just lays on top of everything and falls asleep.  Hmmm…. maybe I should take a picture of that.  One moment…..

Raven on Angel’s cluttered desk.
19 October 2006

Like all cats, she’s resourceful and opportunistic.

Anyways, I’m a freak in that I have a very difficult time working at my desk when it is this cluttered.  It just annoys me the whole time.  So I have to clean.  Clean the kitchen, sweep the living room floor, put all the books away, and clean and dust my desk.

Thus this journal entry.  Who needs to clean when you can write a journal entry? 🙂

Hmmm…. this feels like the end of the journal entry.  Damn, I’m going to have to clean now.

Matt has embraced a few American traditions whole-heartedly,
and Halloween pumpkin carving is definitely one of them.
Every year since he moved here in 2001 he has carved a pumpkin,
and every year he looks adorable doing it.
17 October 2006

So I’ve been thinking about my New Year’s Resolutions today.  I do like New Year’s Resolutions — they keep you focused on what you really really want.  I have decided my New Year’s Resolutions for 2007: 1) Exercise (although I need to make this one more quantitative), and 2) organize the entire house including the garage.

Well, first things first, I need to complete my 2006 Resolutions: 1) write a book, and 2) quit sugar.  Only two and a half months left to complete these.

But how hard could it be, right? 🙂

I covet this print.  It’s called “The Three Wizards”
and it’s available here.  Unfortunately, it’s $150.
That’s why I don’t have my copy…. yet.

I’ve had the same quote for awhile, but I haven’t changed it because I haven’t found another one that suits my situation or mood as well as the current quote does.  Then, I was watching Lord of the Rings again, and I rediscovered one of my all-time favorite quotes.  However, I decided to post the quote from the book — the original source — instead of the movie:

“Always after a defeat and a respite, the Shadow takes another shape and grows again.”

“I wish it need not have happened in my time,” said Frodo.

“So do I,” said Gandalf, “and so do all who live to see such times. But that is not for them to decide. All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given us.”

— JRR Tolkein, Fellowship of the Ring, Chapter 2

I hear Ian McKellan’s voice now whenever I read this quote.  Good thing he has such a lovely, melodious, and perfect Gandalf voice. 🙂

I also rediscovered, after many many years absence, one of my favorite songs.  I love it when that happens.  I was eating breakfast with Lily at Taco Cabana when the great 70s funk classic by Sly and the Family Stone, “If You Want Me to Stay,” came on the speakers.  It’s a great song, and it was fun having it pop up in my life again… in Taco Cabana of all places.  They usually play Tejano.  The world is an unexpected place.

I posted the song (you have to click the play button twice):

Deb, Bruce, Lindsey, Kelsey and Allison at the Riverwalk in San Antonio
April 2004

The entire Pipkin family (Bruce, Deb and both the girls) have kind hearts. Children, animals and elderly people are not only safe, but cherished, in their home.  They are always helping the helpless.

Just recently, a mother cat and six kittens who live across the road were in a bad situation.  The Pipkins, being who they are, could not watch idly while these animals suffered.  I won’t go into the whole story, but one of the kittens had a terrible accident and needed quite a bit of medical help… more than the Pipkins could afford.

But Deb couldn’t give the consent to have the kitten put to sleep.  So she spent the afternoon on the phone and collected $700!  She said she had no idea that she would be able to raise $700 with just a few phone calls.

I don’t find it unbelievable at all.  Deb, Bruce, Kelsey, and Lindsey are always helping other people.  Just in the past couple of years, they have thoroughly cleaned my house twice, created an absolutely beautiful baby room for Lily, and gave us a bassinet, baby swing, carseat, crib sheets and changing table for Lily when she was born.  And that’s just what they have done for us.  I don’t even know all the goodness and kindness they have showed other people.

So when Deb calls, very upset and asking for a favor, people don’t even hesitate.  “What do you need, Deb?  Let us know how we can help.”

You really do receive back whatever you send out into the world.

Oh, what is that I hear in the background?  Is it The Beatles?

And in the end
The love you take
Is equal to the love
You make 🙂