Lily
01 September 2006

So, at the baby’s naptime, I sat down at my computer to write. I pulled out my poor unfinished novel, and, as I was reading over it, I saw it in a new light.

I didn’t want to finish it.  I didn’t want to do it.  The obsession was missing.  The desire, the drive — the need — had vanished.

Isn’t that weird? 

I always thought it was to be a life achievement for me, to write a book.  But perhaps it’s not.  It just goes to show you that you should never assume anything about the future.  Live in the now.  Enjoy the now and don’t waste your life sitting in anticipation of the future because the future may be nothing like you imagine.

Well, that’s one 2006 goal taken care of.  That’s the funny things about goals as well: they are liquid.  I suppose some folks have goals that are as solid and unmoving as mountains, but not mine.  My goals are a stream in a forest meadow and the dappled sunlight dances off their constant movement.

Where does that leave my urge to write?  Who knows.  Who knows what tomorrow holds, or where desire will lead me.

Right now, I have a desire to get projects completed and the house ready for this baby.  I am definitely in the hard-core nesting phase of pregnancy.  I am constantly cleaning and organizing.  I am 30-weeks pregnant.  Lily was born at 38 weeks.  If this baby comes around the same time, then I have only 8 weeks left!

And I still have one more 2006 resolution to complete: get off sugar.  I think I might switch that one to: live a healthier lifestyle.  However, “live a healthier lifestyle” is too nebulous to be a goal.  It needs to be more concrete.  Something like “eat smaller portions and exercise.”

Americans, and Texans in particular, eat huge portions.  It’s quite silly how much food we put on our plate or how much is served to us at a restaurant.

Well, anyways, blah blah blah.  This has become a very meandering entry.  I think it’s time to stop and think things through in a more private medium.