Our adorable, amazing, perfect baby.
He’s almost 10-months-old now.
28 October 2007

Did I mention that I love love love this DIY planner website?  I’m a planner, a list-maker, a scheduler.  You know how there is “the crazy cat lady?”  Well, I’m the “crazy list lady.”  You can’t hardly turn around in my house without bumping into a list.

So I gathered all my various lists from around the house, and I made a schedule and list of priorities yesterday to put in my lovely DIY planner.  We’ll see how it works.  Schedules and children don’t go together well.  Sure, I may really want to get the breakfast dishes done, but when both children are demanding my attention, well… the dishes have been known to pile up.

But, none the less, full of hope and armed with a daily planner, I’m going to try to follow a loose schedule.  I even set the alarm!  I quit work when I was pregnant with Lily and haven’t set an alarm these past three years except when we are leaving on a trip (we have to drive at ridiculous hours of the morning, like leaving at 4am, because our children hate long car journeys and will scream — literally scream — if they are trapped in the car too long; so we have to travel when they are guaranteed to sleep).  But this morning, my alarm went off at 5am, heralding a new day and a new plan. 🙂

However, while making my schedule, I realized that there was no room for podcasting or sewing.  Shoot, there isn’t even room to keep the house completely clean at the moment.  The children require too much time right now.  So my hobbies have to wait a bit longer.  I sure do miss my hobbies though.  Just a bit longer… hopefully… just a bit longer…

On an entirely different subject, Matt stayed up late last night to make my playgroup a homemade chicken pot pie.  We are having our Halloween party today, and everyone is supposed to bring a dish.  Matt, being the super-amazing-mega-sweetie that he is, is treating all of us moms with his very yummy chicken pie.

Lily and Daddy fixing one of Lily’s toys.
(You can see Lily’s sunburn that she got
during the Fall Festival at Logan’s elementary school yesterday.)
28 October 2007

I’ve been missing a lot of my former hobbies recently… well, actually I’ve been missing my current hobbies as well.  We haven’t had time to do anything except take care of children and keep the kitchen and laundry clean (the rest of the house has gone to sh*t).

What I’ve been missing:

• Playing video games (in particular, playing EverQuest with Matt until all hours of the morning)
• Learning Japanese
• Having manga laying all about the place
• Snuggle lie-ins with the hubby
• And innumerable other things that come with being young, in-love, and child-free

But I know that, in a few years, my list of things that I miss will look like this:

• Nursing my children
• The children’s very cute and inventive use of language as they learn (ie. Lily currently says, in her very cute little girl voice, “Look what my did.”)
• Snuggling next to a warm, cute baby
• And innumerable other things that come with having small children

And then I will have time to learn Japanese again and play video games and snuggle with the husband again, but I’ll miss all the wonderful things that came with having small children.  I try to remind myself of this fact when I’m longing for the things that I just don’t have the time for now.

Matt has the day off today because
he has been working a lot of overtime
to complete a large project. They finished
the project yesterday. (Everyone worked
really hard. They are all so excellent
at what they do.)  So, today, he is
rocking the baby and himself to sleep
in the massive La-Z-Boy while listening
to Yanni.  What a perfect day off.
26 October 2007

Having two small children is taking a toll on our marriage.  We have been under a phenomenal amount of strain because the children are taking all of our energy and time.  We don’t spend any time with each other anymore; we merely pass children off to one another as we rotate chores.

So what does this mean to you, dear reader?  Why, it means: 1) don’t have children right after you get married; take time to be with each other and enjoy each other.  And 2) don’t think that children will strengthen a marriage.  It has the opposite effect actually.  Children will test a strong marriage and destroy a weak one.  Children are hard hard work.

They are such hard work because they are constant.  It’s not like you go dig a ditch for a couple of hours and that’s hard work.  No.  Children are constant; the ditch is never finished so you must constantly dig — never ending, never stopping, not even if you get sick.

Hmmm, here seems like a good spot to add:  Matt and I really love our children and each other.  It’s just hard work right now.  But we’ll get through it.  Matt and I have been through several hard times since we’ve been married, and we’ve made it, intact and still in love, to the other side. 🙂

ps. We do have a date planned though!  We already have tickets to see the annotated version of Showgirls at the Lake Creek Alamo Drafthouse.  We’re really looking forward to our “dinner and a movie” date. 🙂

Double sleeping cuteness.
Our children look so similar that it is hard
to tell which one is which in this photograph.
I’ve already had someone ask me if they are twins.
(You can see Lily’s eczema on her arm
coming back with the cold weather.)
23 October 2007

A lovely, perfect, wonderful cold front blew in yesterday.  Since it was so cold and yummy, we got some firewood and made our first fire of the season, and then we went to Blockbuster and got Hocus Pocus.  We brought the aerobed into the living room and all piled onto it next to the fire to watch our Halloween-y movie.  Hocus Pocus did not hold the children’s attention, but I really like that movie.

When the movie was over, around 10pm (Damian had already fallen asleep on the aerobed), Lily said she wanted to sleep in the living room next to the fire.  So we turned off all the lights except the Halloween pumpkin lights, and the room was lit by the fire and the Halloween lights.  It was so nice.  We didn’t all fit on the aerobed, so Matt slept in his humongous new La-Z-Boy right next to us, and the children and I fell asleep on the aerobed.  Around 1:30am, I woke up and the fire was out.  I was worried about the children getting cold, so Matt and I moved the kids into the bedroom, and we all fell asleep in there.  The picture above was taken right before we moved the kids.

I asked Matt if he had ever slept in the living room next to the fire when he was a kid, and he said yes, at Christmas time.  And I remember doing that myself!  I remember wanting to sleep in the same room as the Christmas tree because it was so pretty all lit up.

There is something really special, and really heartfelt and warming, about reliving childhood memories with your own children.  The children are really hard work right now… very very hard.  But then you have a moment like last night where you remember what it was like to be a child, falling asleep to the magic light of fire and holiday lights, and there you are, creating that memory with your own children… and it makes all the hard work worth it.

Kids really do bring magic into your life… because they still believe in it when we have become too weary and heartworn to believe in magic anymore.

The Macquarium (or, as Lily knows it, “Fan’s House”)
You can see Fan, a betta, in the lower right hand corner of the Macquarium.
15 October 2007

I’ve been jonesing for my 50-gallon fishtank.  It is tucked away in the garage, unused these past three years.  I mentioned it to Matt, but he quickly and decidedly said, “No.”  I was pretty sure that would be his opinion.  Our house is a mess as we redo the living room, and a 50-gallon tank is a major project.  It requires a lot of upkeep as well, and we don’t have a lot of extra time between maintaining a house, two kids, and ourselves.

But, just the same, I’ve been missing a tank.  So, while we were at PetSmart yesterday buying dog food, Lily and I wandered over to the fish area to look at the fish.  She, of course, immediately wanted one.  I told her she could have one and took her over to the bettas.  I figured we could clean up the Macquarium and keep a betta.  (Macquariums hold only two gallons, and very few fish can live in such a small amount of water.  Bettas are quite happy in two gallons.)  You should have seen Matt’s face though.  It was a picture.  He was not a happy Daddy.

She picked out her betta.  Kids love fish.  She wanted to constantly hold her new fish and feed him.  When we got home, I pulled out the Macquarium from the garage and spent maybe an hour cleaning it.  It was pretty dirty.  Then we put Fan, as Lily has named him, in his new home.

I asked Matt why he was so upset.  He said, “It was another project.”  Our house really is in a state.  I can see why he was upset.  But he didn’t stay upset.  It only took an hour, and the Macquarium looked horrible before.  Now it’s all pretty and working again.

I want to get a female betta and name her Fin.  Then Fan will have a little friend.  🙂

Damian fell asleep in his highchair.
27 September 2007

Our living room/dining room area (the largest area in the house) has been completely covered in plastic drop cloths for two weeks.  The children have been confined to the outside during the day and then have been confined to our bedroom at dusk and night when the mosquitoes start to swarm.  We’ve been having breakfast outside on the porch, and dinner has been a picnic with all of us piled onto the bed.

Sure, this was fun the first couple of times, but the strain is starting to show.  Last night, Matt finally pulled the dinner table back out into the main area and we had dinner at the table.  I never realized how important a dinner table is before this experience.  Mealtimes were a nightmare!  The uncomfortable logistics of attempting to eat in awkward places made mealtimes a complete nightmare.  You would not believe the wave of relief and gratitude that washed over me when Matt said, “Let’s get the table out.”  I swear I could have cried.

So, this is a lesson for all, I think:  don’t take your dining room table for granted.  It is the place where your family gathers to comfortably have meals together and enjoy one another’s company.

Lily helping Daddy spackle the wall.
26 September 2007

We decided to “redo” the living room.  The living room is the darkest room in the house, and therefore one of the most depressing.  The computer room is very depressing too, but that is due to clutter and disorganization, not lack of natural light.

When we first moved in, we put lamps in the living room.  But, even with every light turned on, the room is covered in the orange glow of flourescent light and is still very dreary.

I was talking to Mom about our problem, and she said one of the main culprits was the dark wood paneling that covered one wall.  To use her phrase, which I like very much, it is the “physics of color” and the dark wood soaks up all the light.  A white wall would bounce the light around the room.  She said Paul’s study was covered in wood paneling and was a cave.  She painted it a “soft vanilla” and now it’s bright.

So, one of the first things Matt did was remove the wood paneling.  The picture above with Lily spackling shows the unpainted drywall that was behind it.  We’re going to paint the ceiling the a light blue and the wall a light pink.  The crown moulding and baseboards will be chocolate brown.

Our color scheme came from the new couches and La-Z-Boys we got.  The new couch and ottoman are chocolate brown.  Our current couches, though very pretty, are uncomfortable — they are too short to stretch out on (they are loveseats).  My mom gave them to us when Matt and I first moved in together in 2001.  We have been wanting new furniture for awhile and finally did it.  It’s so expensive so we kept putting it off.  I’ll be sad to see the old couches go; they are very pretty… just too short for my six-foot husband.  If anyone is interested, they are for sale on craig’s list. 😉

Matt is also going to cut a hole in the roof and install skylights!  How exciting (and a bit scary) is that!  Our living room is going to be bright, airy and beautiful when Matt has finished. 🙂

Carla and Lily feeding baby Clara
22 September 2007

Life is what happens to you while you’re busy making other plans.  — John Lennon

I keep waiting for things to settle down. I keep waiting to get back into a “routine.”  I think, “Oh, we just have to do this, and we’ll be back into our family routine afterwards.”

But I realize now that I am living the fantasy life of an overactive planner with a mild case of OCD.  Things will never settle down, and I will never be caught-up.

Lots of family came to see the new baby this weekend, and, of course, I thought, “Well, once we finish hosting for the family, we’ll get back into a routine.”  But now we are going to paint the living room/dining room area — including the ceiling.  Matt is skipping gym this week, and the children and I are going to gym early so we can all be home by 5pm to start the painting project.

I’m not very good at moving with the organic flow of life.  I’m a planner, an organizer.  I like predictable patterns.  It’s the personality trait that makes me good at math, languages, and organizing events.

I’m really not flowing with the chaos very well.  I still have to give up a little more control.

Carla and Steve holding baby Clara Marie
15 September 2007

Carla’s new baby, Clara Marie, was born on September 6th.  We have a lot of family members coming into town this weekend to see the new baby including my grandmother and the baby’s namesake, my grandma Clara.  And she will be staying at my house.

So what does this mean?  Why, more housecleaning of course!  Serious housecleaning.  My German grandmother will be staying overnight at our house.  🙂

ps. It took me forever to find a new WordPress theme I liked.  I really liked this Chobits theme, but I couldn’t keep it as Chobits or people would think I was a 14-year-old girl.  So I had to modify it to my liking.  It still needs a bit of tweaking, but I’m overall pleased with it.

Babies in the sink!
07 September 2007

The illusion that we are separate from one another is an optical delusion of our consciousness.  — Albert Einstein

Recently, the children have been very draining for me.  When you have small children, you must give a lot of your self to the child.  Your world is all about the children and what they require to thrive.  And all the things that support and nourish you, as an adult, must wait.  Small children require all of your time.

So you become depleted… like a rag doll with all the stuffing removed.  And this is what has been happening over the past couple of months.  The children have required all of my time, energy, and resources.  Matt has been the one to prop me up, to hold me and sustain me — a rock that has kept me from drowning in a very stormy sea.

And, as more time passed and I have been unable to find the time to nourish myself, I have become more and more sad.  Last night, I worked out a plan to take care of myself and the children, and we’ll see if it works.  The children still get the largest slice of me, but I’m holding a little back for myself.

But, during all this, I realized something.  As I was becoming sadder and sadder, the whole family was being affected by my mood.  And, yesterday as I was coming to a crescendo of unhappiness and watching how my sadness rippled throughout the family, I thought of the Albert Einstein quote.  My little family of four is not actually four; we have bonded into one unit.  The time will come when the two children will break away and form bonds with other people, but right now, the four of us have become one.

It’s really comforting being bonded; it makes loneliness slip away into the night.  And being bonded also helps you get through the difficult times.