Mommy vision
25 February 2008

Matt and I are considering the purchase of an SUV, the Toyota RAV4 to be exact.  “Why?!” you ask, “Why, when you are a hippy and your husband is European and both of these groups cling to small, fuel-efficient cars with an unmatched self-righteous passion, are you considering an SUV?”

SUVs really fit our current lifestyle.  After Matt, myself, and both the kids in their carseats have been put into the car and the two strollers have been put into the trunk, my car is completely full.  So we’re moving up a size.  We’re looking to move up a size in house as well within the next couple of years.  Bigger family, bigger car, bigger house, bigger bills.

My only real fear is that we will not be allowed back into Austin.  Folks that don’t live here don’t realize that you actually have to fill out a questionnaire in order to become a resident of Austin.  Here is a sample of some of the questions (to gain residency, you must answer “yes” to 90% of the questions):

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4.  Do you have a tattoo, body piercing, brightly colored dyed hair or dreadlocks? 

5.  Are you gay or do you have a friend who is gay?

6.  Are you in a band or do you have a friend who is in a band?

11.  Do you own at least two domain names and/or two DBAs?

15.  Is some of the software on your home computer open-source?

16.  Do you own a Linux server?

(If you don’t know what open-source software or Linux is, the city planners feel it is best that you stop at this point and move to Round Rock or Pflugerville first and slowly become acclimated to Austin society before moving directly into Austin.)

20.  Do you own a small, fuel-efficient (preferably hybrid) car and openly mock people with large vehicles?

28.  Would you vote for a transient cross-dresser and/or a fictitious comic strip character for political office?

34.  For at least five years of your life, were you enrolled in college (the years do not have to be consecutive and actual graduation is optional)?

39.  Do you feel the Democratic Party is too conservative?

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The longer I live in the suburbs, the more I am assimilated.  If we get this SUV, I am one step closer to being a true suburban mommy.  Now I just need a bumper sticker that says, “My child is an honor student at her preschool” to put on it.