Nov
30

For years, I have made a list of my desires or my goals. I have done this since college. I don’t know why, but it’s something I have always done. It helps me keep my actions focused. I have not achieved all the goals I have set for myself, and the list is constantly changing as I grow and change. Another thing I have figured out with time is that the list has to remain fairly small. I can’t do everything that I want to do simply because there isn’t enough time.

My mom has her desires all mixed up right now. She hasn’t lived with her husband in two years because they couldn’t find jobs in the same town. So she lives in one town and he lives in the other, and they commute to see each other on the weekends. And here’s the kicker: she doesn’t even like her job very much and I bet two-thirds of her salary goes to maintaining a second household, commuting costs, and employment costs (such as a wardrobe, gasoline, etc), so it’s not worth it emotionally or financially. Every time I have talked to her on the phone for the last two years, she has cried. She finally has decided to quit her job and move back in with her husband.

I think this exercise of writing down what she really desires out of her life would be helpful to her. Sometimes, people can’t see. I certainly didn’t see how much I disliked living in that small hovel of an apartment and how unhappy it made me.

My newest list:

The List of Desires

1) I want a clean, organized, uncluttered, warm, inviting, cozy home.

2) I want to finish Belief and Code, and I want it to be significant and beautifully written.

3) I want to successfully self-publish Belief and Code, preferably through Wizard Moon.

4) I want to follow our budget, get ourselves out of debt, and start saving for an emergency fund, retirement, and Lily’s education.

5) I want to get an MBA in Accounting from a nationally ranked university.

6) I want to lose weight and get fit.

7) I want to dress in fun clothes and keep my appearance attractive.

8) I want to learn more about economics, personal finance, and taxes.

9) Long term goal: make money as a writer and/or as an accountant so I can pay someone else to do my housework.

That last one was added on because of my dad. My dad has never liked working– ever. He has always been unhappy in his job, and he only does it to pay the bills. He has a bachelor’s degree in mechanical engineering and makes a very decent salary, so it’s not like he is slaving away on a factory assembly line somewhere. But I have never understood this mentality. There are a bazillion jobs in the world. Surely one of them would give him enjoyment. If he doesn’t like his job, change it. If he doesn’t have the training for it, get trained. There are endless opportunities in our society to take advantage of.

And then I was thinking what my job is: housewife. Parts of the job I enjoy. I like cooking nice meals for my family; I like working on the family projects; I like running the household and taking care of all the house business. And I hate the house cleaning. Absolutely hate it. I have tried to change my outlook on housework, but the best I can do is bring it from “hate” to “dislike.” So then I thought, I would much rather spend my time as a writer or an accountant than doing housework. And that’s where Desire #9 came from.

Desire #7 comes from the fact that I have been a shy, gray, little mouse, hiding in the corners. I want to have fun with my appearance. I’ve been a wallflower long enough.



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